omg don't even get me started aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Conversation
fuck it, you got me started:
people don't enjoy being miserable. nobody enjoys being miserable. bad things are not good; don't make me go over there.
BUT
in the rule Carolyn lays out, everything you have/do is the direct result of you wanting that misery *a non-zero amount*
1
4
In the example Carolyn gives, she literally could not force herself to leave an abusive relationship *even when she realized it was abusive*
once she meditated on it, she realized her bf was giving her this intense level of affection & that she enjoyed being sought after so hard
1
4
this is *not* because Carolyn enjoyed being in an abusive relationship, but rather because the relationship was the only way (at the time) for her to meet her subconscious craving for such intense love/admiration/the need to be needed
1
4
it's like if I'm really craving a burrito but it's 1:30am and the only place open is the Taco Bell over in a crappy side of town that I've never had good service at, but I make the trip anyway because I really need a goddamn tortilla with some beans wrapped up in it
1
4
I'm not doing it because Taco Bell has the GOAT burritos; I'm doing it because I need that fix and nowhere else is open
This is the key takeaway of Existential Kink: You are doing things that make you miserable because you don't know any other way to get what you need
1
4
anyway, sorry for going off on you
I do a lot of EK, so I see a lot of other EKers use it at the surface-level "bad things are good actually" to ward off introspection and glamorize their shitty behavior
makes me wish I lived in a time it was legal to burn witches at the stake
3
3
i think i get what you're trying to point at but i think you're conflating "bad things aren't good" and "people can't enjoy bad things"
i have my copy of EK open and carolyn says pretty clearly "part of what kept me hooked into the relationship was the joy of resenting him"
2
2
that is fair; my (admittedly poorly-worded) bugbear is when people justify their terrible ways of meeting their needs bc it meets their needs, instead of finding a non-terrible way of meeting their needs now that they know what those needs are
1
2
I was using the quip "bad things are good, actually" as a sound bite, which maybe isn't ideal when you're trying to explain concepts like this
2
1
i do also think i know the failure mode you're pointing at, like people being like "ooh look at me i'm so edgy for enjoying this terrible thing"