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Finding it hard to distinguish between a) concerns/qualms/complaints/desires that are legit and worth discussing with the people involved b) c/q/c/d's that are not rooted in reality and are instead a product of my mental illness, childhood vices etc.
instead of making this distinction you can go in a more NVC-ish direction and cleanly separate 1) a feeling you’re having, e.g. “i feel sad” 2) a story about the feeling, e.g. “i imagine you hate me now” 3) a request you’d like to make, e.g. “plz say if you rly hate me”
“legit” is a tricky concept here because it risks conflating at least three distinct questions: 1) am i “allowed” to feel this way? 2) is my story “true”? 3) is the request i want to make “reasonable”? each of which comes with its own tricky concept too!
stating and distinguishing the feeling and the story from the request usually makes it clearer to both you and the other what the request is about, e.g. maybe you worry they hate you b/c of your childhood stuff and so your request is rooted in a desire for reassurance
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