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what do people mean when they say "X is normal"? it sounds like a statement about the way the world is, but as far as i can tell it's almost always actually a request / demand, namely "don't shame me or anyone else for X"https://twitter.com/ItsAllBollocks/status/1180496337109995520 …
which, look, my preferred way of doing things is that i don't care if it's normal or not, i'm not going to shame you for it either way, because i don't believe in using shame as a tool for controlling other people's behavior, full stop (including "bad" people)
but something still bugs me about the OP. i tried to write some tweets describing what bugged me but even after edits they still seemed a little too cold and mean, so i deleted them
i haven't figured out when to expect that the people i RT-with-comment actually see my responses, so on the off chance that the OP is reading this: hi! i get that this is a sensitive topic that people have a lot of trauma / shame around, and it's kind of you to reassure others
there's a lot of healing work to do around sex trauma / shame and it's good. *and*, there's another conversation i desperately wish we were having, that there are many obstacles to having, around what it is that sex actually means to us, and what we want from it beyond pleasure
you don't have to be a conservative to start quietly wondering if we never really figured out how to adjust to the sexual revolution after all, if casual sex might just be another escape from our real problems and not the feminist liberation we were promised
"X is normal" means "X is an accepted part of the social culture and norm set that you and I share." Comes with the assumed-shared worldview that (a) you can only fairly be blamed for violations of the norm set, and (b) all assertions of "badness" are this sort of blame.
i like the separating out of points a) and b)! but "you and I share" doesn't quite fit the usage here, i think. as addressed to the outgroup, the OP's message is more like "your norms are bad and should change"
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