I feel anxious and embarrassed as I write the above. I've been mostly avoiding social contact the last two months. I've been feeling sick and hopeless and exhausted and small. I worry I've been a bad friend and I'm letting people down.
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Prikaži ovu nit
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Last year I thought I had all this feelings stuff figured out. I thought I knew what to do. I thought I was listening to and trusting the wisest part of myself. And then it all fell apart, a little over a year ago.
1 reply 0 proslijeđenih tweetova 33 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
I've been afraid to talk about the details; the very short, painfully incomplete version is that I learned that someone I trusted was hurting me and people I cared about, and I also learned that I was hurting someone I cared about, in ways I hadn't recognized or understood.
1 reply 1 proslijeđeni tweet 40 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
That paralyzed me. I felt guilty, ashamed, disoriented, betrayed. I lost trust in myself. I didn't know what to do. I didn't do much. I shut down emotionally. And, that experience taught me things I desperately needed to know, and I can sometimes manage to be grateful for it.
1 reply 0 proslijeđenih tweetova 36 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
My heart and my gut hurt thinking about what to write next. I've been holding this for a year and I still don't know what to do with it. I still feel guilty. I still don't know how to trust myself, not really.
1 reply 0 proslijeđenih tweetova 28 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
What I suspect is that I spent the last several years running on fear, and I spent most of last year running on hope. Hope felt a lot better. It felt incredible! But it turns out hope has all of the same problems as fear.
5 proslijeđenih tweetova 45 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
The shape of my hope was this: all I have to do is this feelings stuff, and then people will love me. And then I won't feel so alone. And then everything will finally be okay.
0 proslijeđenih tweetova 36 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
QC je proslijedio/a tweet korisnika/ceQC
QC je dodan/na,
QC @QiaochuYuanThe problem with being powered by hope is that you can't look at things that you sense would cause you to lose hope. The hope becomes intertwined with a fear of losing hope. You get addicted to it and it distorts your behavior. I hurt someone I cared deeply about this way.Prikaži ovu nit1 reply 0 proslijeđenih tweetova 33 korisnika označavaju da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
It took the almost complete dissolution of my most important group of friends for me to begin to understand that hope wasn't the answer any more than fear. That, in fact, there was nothing I could do that would make it all okay.
1 proslijeđeni tweet 38 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
I have been slowly losing hope over the last year, and I want to be very clear that I think this is progress. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do the things I want to do in the world without risking hurting people. I don't know, yet, how to act without hope.
6 replies 1 proslijeđeni tweet 45 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit
What I do know is that there is something I care about, and that something matters.
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I'm gonna spend a decent chunk of the day trying to say nice things to strangers on Kind Words if anyone would like to join me:https://store.steampowered.com/app/1070710/Kind_Words_lo_fi_chill_beats_to_write_to/ …
5 replies 1 proslijeđeni tweet 50 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit -
Commentary on this thread from my friend and mentor Pete Michaud on Facebook, re: emotional capacity, reproduced with permission: https://www.facebook.com/qiaochu/posts/10156289323935811?comment_id=10156303178865811 …pic.twitter.com/W4nC7Hq96Y
11 proslijeđenih tweetova 35 korisnika označava da im se sviđaPrikaži ovu nit
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