It's not as simple as just telling people to start feeling things. We don't feel things for very good reasons. We've inherited piles of trauma and conditioning going back generations. We don't want to risk losing the people we have in our lives, who have their own piles.
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It took the almost complete dissolution of my most important group of friends for me to begin to understand that hope wasn't the answer any more than fear. That, in fact, there was nothing I could do that would make it all okay.
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I have been slowly losing hope over the last year, and I want to be very clear that I think this is progress. I don't know how to do it. I don't know how to do the things I want to do in the world without risking hurting people. I don't know, yet, how to act without hope.
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What I do know is that there is something I care about, and that something matters.
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I'm gonna spend a decent chunk of the day trying to say nice things to strangers on Kind Words if anyone would like to join me:https://store.steampowered.com/app/1070710/Kind_Words_lo_fi_chill_beats_to_write_to/ …
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Commentary on this thread from my friend and mentor Pete Michaud on Facebook, re: emotional capacity, reproduced with permission: https://www.facebook.com/qiaochu/posts/10156289323935811?comment_id=10156303178865811 …pic.twitter.com/W4nC7Hq96Y
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I would say my experience has been that this is actually ~basically~ correct but it takes a lot longer than you’d think. There are several kinds of loneliness, the kind that gnaws is when you don’t love yourself and yes, everything was always ok
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yeah, you could say my issue is i thought i was "done" and i had no idea how long the process really took the okayness stuff is tricky to talk about, i think there's something important about holding "everything's okay" and "holy shit things are definitely not okay"
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