QC

can you say more about that first experience?

Yes, can do. My brain is mashed right now, just finished work. I might write a post about it. There’s maybe more to say re relevant context than can fit into a Twitter thread. Anything in particular that you would like to know about it?

What was the surrounding life context (age, place, circumstances, etc.)? What did it feel like in the body? What was the emotional response? Did it provoke any immediate changes in outlook or behavior?

It was my 22nd birthday. I was in Bodh Gaya on a meditation & social outreach retreat. I’d been working remotely in basic conditions (no electricity or running water) with a tribal community in Bihar for months before that. Went to this retreat, having never meditated before.

Learned to meditate, had good results, decided to test it to the extreme and sat for many extra hours per day. I was beginning to get unusual sensory experiences. Then the group organized a party for my birthday.

So I went from intense meditation into a group party, culminating in manic, ecstatic dancing. It was awesome for a while: I had all kinds of visionary experience, felt like my body was made of fire, then light.

Then, I exploded...I felt a massive, uncontrollable surge of energy moving up the center of my body, ramming like a battering ram into my chest. I felt like I was possessed. There was nothing I could do, it was terrifying: I was screaming continuously during much of the process.

It lasted a couple of hours, everyone was trying to help but I wouldn’t let them near me. Eventually this battering ram broke open my heart and it was beautiful - an experience of awakening, I guess.