Circling/Authentic relating is great, AND this is one of the key traps that some of the rationalists seem to fall into when translating it... they express their emotions verbally as a crutch, and therefore miss out on important skills needed for vibing. https://twitter.com/mattgoldenberg/status/1134195941555286016 …https://twitter.com/alifeofmovement/status/1140779022269349888 …
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There is a certain move in Yin circling that tries to correct for this: the ever present refrain of "I can't feel you." The problem with this move is it serves as a crutch for the listener of an equally important skill - feeling emotions through repression and inexpressiveness.
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Replying to @mattgoldenberg
"I can't feel you." Damn. Mentioned drawbacks aside, I could see this being sooooo powerful in some types of connection/conversation. [Also, what's Yin circling? Didn't find much on Google]
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Replying to @jondubin @mattgoldenberg
I think Matt just means taking a yin orientation towards circling. "I can't feel you" is one of the first things someone said to me in a circle and it was really eye-opening. Good stuff.
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @mattgoldenberg
ahh i see! thanks yeah, looking back, there are some conversations where hearing that would have absolutely blown me to pieces (in a good way). now i'm wondering: ok so how can i get ahead of that, or call it out myself?
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Replying to @jondubin @mattgoldenberg
notice when you can't feel other people and then check if it's a projection
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @mattgoldenberg
ahh i meant when i'm on the "not emoting" side. i've found myself in situations recently where i'm stuck in the mind in a way that's not good for connection. problematically i usually notice too late. i guess being more sensitive to this and starting to notice live is the answer!
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Yeah, that's what I meant too! You can also ask the people around you to call you out on this. For myself I mostly do this by paying attention to the quality of my voice: does it sound relaxed or rushed, smooth or jerky, etc.
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Replying to @QiaochuYuan @mattgoldenberg
ohh right, because the "not feeling" will be symmetric or something. or well hrm, sometimes it feels like i can feel them but i presume they can't feel me. "You can also ask the people around you to call you out on this." perfect!
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