QC

Some people might get lucky enough for this but I wouldn't bet on it. It's a lot to ask, and your future partners have scars too. Most of the development work I think is best done outside of the context of a relationship, with the help of friends, coaches, therapists, etc.

Expecting your partners to "save" you in this way is itself a pattern, one I've fallen into, and it's not that great :/ Dovetails with anxious attachment. When you project a savior onto your partner it becomes harder to see the real person underneath.

Ah, got it, thanks. I think people don't have much of a choice wrt serial monogamy (or serial polyamory for that matter); if you keep not finding a partner you want to commit to then what else are you gonna do ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

You familiar with John Wineland’s work? He’s not everyone’s cuppa tea. But if you’re open to a book from the Aro tradition you might appreciate his stuff (which presents as more “normie” but has a lot of depth. )

Not familiar, like the look of his website! Any particular recs?

Oh man, good question. A random walk through his blog posts yields a lot. His team taught videos with Kendra Cunov are often good. Kendra came out of several communities, including authentic relating. His warriorship principles are what i’d recommend to a lot of guys