I've been thinking about emotional "power sources" for behavior. Lots of it is powered by fear these days, which has predictable unfortunate effects. Last year I did a lot of stuff powered by hope, which I eventually learned isn't that great either. That shook me, to learn.
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The problem with being powered by hope is that you can't look at things that you sense would cause you to lose hope. The hope becomes intertwined with a fear of losing hope. You get addicted to it and it distorts your behavior. I hurt someone I cared deeply about this way.
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(Similarly fear becomes intertwined with a hope of losing fear. They're non-dual or something, I guess.)
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Spectrum of Ecstasy talks about a place beyond hope and fear. I haven't been able to stabilize this at all but I think I've seen tiny glimpses of it. Sometimes I'm powered by something that doesn't feel like hope or fear, but like... "rightness"?
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I would have gotten almost nothing out of it 2 years ago, and even now I understand, like, way less than half of it. But what I think I understand really resonates and I haven’t really seen elsewhere. Might be good to read along with @divided_brain.
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