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The problem with being powered by hope is that you can't look at things that you sense would cause you to lose hope. The hope becomes intertwined with a fear of losing hope. You get addicted to it and it distorts your behavior. I hurt someone I cared deeply about this way.
(Similarly fear becomes intertwined with a hope of losing fear. They're non-dual or something, I guess.)
Spectrum of Ecstasy talks about a place beyond hope and fear. I haven't been able to stabilize this at all but I think I've seen tiny glimpses of it. Sometimes I'm powered by something that doesn't feel like hope or fear, but like... "rightness"?
Jōshin from the Monastic Academy talks a lot about "giving up completely" and that feels like the move I need to make, but I don't know how really. Reminds me of @Meaningness's take on charnel ground practice.
"The point of viewing all reality as a charnel ground is to annihilate existential hope": https://vividness.live/2012/08/22/charnel-ground/ …pic.twitter.com/FOHkijaulW
Also this poem, which I wrote in a fit of rightness and could probably benefit from chanting: https://thicketforte.com/2019/01/11/good-news/ …pic.twitter.com/jnnCNTTypZ
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