I think growing up I thought if I just had a bunch of romantic relationships I'd gradually learn how to get better at them, through experience. I no longer think this works by default. Some thoughts about why:
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Some people might get lucky enough for this but I wouldn't bet on it. It's a lot to ask, and your future partners have scars too. Most of the development work I think is best done outside of the context of a relationship, with the help of friends, coaches, therapists, etc.
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Expecting your partners to "save" you in this way is itself a pattern, one I've fallen into, and it's not that great :/ Dovetails with anxious attachment. When you project a savior onto your partner it becomes harder to see the real person underneath.
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