QC

Have a friend who puts it this way: happiness is what you feel when you're getting what you want. So wanting to feel happy is almost a type error. What you want is what you want, and happiness is a side effect of getting that, not something to chase for its own sake.https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1127351563486253056 …

Hm define want? Revealed preferences vs stated preferences seems tricky here

One variant I like is "success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get" (Still doesn't answer define want!)

I like that one

More generally, discussion of "want" is aided enormously by a general understanding of Perceptual Control Theory: that people are moving around closing various gaps between some reference level & some perceived level of something: Too cold → put on sweater. Lonely → tinder.

There's a whole hierarchical network of these control systems (think thermostats). Tinder mightn't solve your loneliness, but as long as it feels like it might and you don't feel safe experimenting with something else, you'll do it. Fail long enough, reorganization occurs.

Reorganization means trying a different strategy, on some level of abstraction. Abandoning some lower-level goal and trying something else in service of the same higher level goal. Or maybe the goal in question is abandoned: "maybe I'm just doomed to be lonely"

Although we all have a few core thermostats that are very hard to reset or abandon indefinitely: food, thirst, pain, connection, meaning. So eventually the person who has resigned themselves to loneliness usually tries something new, and can't help it even though fearing hope.