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The attention that's being competed over could be redirected towards people trying to figure out if they're genuinely compatible enough to commit to each other. There's still some competition but this game is much more cooperative.
Unfortunately, compatibility testing for long-term relationships requires a very different kind of skill, which perhaps many people have never learned. Under atomization we've lost the habit of relating to each other on the time scale of years.
Were we ever good at relating to each other over the timescale of years, or were we just overwhelmingly more likely to collocate around the same cluster of people over the timescale of years in the past?
Maybe both? I think mostly people didn't used to have a choice, and knew that. You relate to people differently if you're only ever gonna know the same 100 people or w/e, the stakes are different if you can't meaningfully exit.
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