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You know the thing where a husband and wife are arguing about the dishes but it isn't really about the dishes, it's about whether the wife feels loved or the husband feels respected or whatever? I assume by default that this is happening in literally every conversation.
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You might be underestimating the importance and challenge of dividing household responsibilities when the couple has at least one kid and both parents have jobs.
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In my experience + reading, whatever practical concern like this is on the table, it will be much easier to resolve once the husband and wife settle the emotional issue, roughly so that they feel emotionally like they're on the same side as opposed to battling.
End of conversation
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Emotional warfare is hella of drug.
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