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People care about whether other people are engaging in unethical behavior, for lots of reasons, but one is because we care about each other. The important caveat "...as long as it's between consenting adults" points clearly to this.
If you think a certain sexual behavior is unethical / hurtful, it's normal for you to care whether other people engage in it, whether that behavior is homosexuality, kink, rape, pedophilia, whatever. Sex has always been a key ethical concern.
That is: if you think it's your business whether other people engage in rape or pedophilia, then you've already conceded that in general you think it's your business what other people do in the privacy of their own bedrooms.
The privacy argument deflects from the uncomfortable heart of the matter, which is: we don't agree about ethics (in this case sexual ethics), and moreover we don't have a shared cultural mechanism for coming to agreement about ethics.
Some people implicitly seem to want consent to be a foundation for ethics. This is pointing in a good direction, but consent as it stands today cannot bear this weight. There is so much murky territory waiting in the question of what it means to "really consent" to things.
Cf. my thread on consent-as-a-tool vs. participation-as-the-thing-consent-is-trying-to-accomplish:https://twitter.com/QiaochuYuan/status/1113562140307124224 …
Some might say e.g. that a 15-year-old can't "really consent" to sex with a 40-year-old, because of power imbalances etc. Using my terms, I would prefer to say that the 15-year-old is very unlikely to be able to participate, with or without explicit verbal consent.
OTOH parenting requires routinely violating the consent of children in some sense, e.g. making them go to sleep or go to school when they don't want to. We don't have a coherent ethical story about this.
More uncomfortable territory: how do you know that you, or your sex partners, can "really consent" to sex? What if most adults can't "really consent" to sex? Does that make most people rapists?
There's an important sense in which I was unprepared to consent to sex (e.g. lack of ability to tell what I really wanted) when I was 15, and turning 18 didn't make it any better! In some sense I was unprepared to consent to sex until I was 27 or so.
In the meantime I attempted to consent to sex when I was 21 and the experience was deeply traumatizing, in a way that I wouldn't recognize and work on until much later. Long story.
I would prefer to say: it's hard to cause participation, and it is mostly not happening. Many people are suffering and hurting themselves and each other, in and out of the bedroom. We did not get taught how to love ourselves and each other well. But we can learn.
As far as privacy: mostly it seems people want privacy to protect themselves from bad or nosy people. That makes sense. But I think in many ways privacy is part of the problem, e.g. it hides abuse in families and romantic relationships.
Cf. the fascinating "birth and death of privacy":https://medium.com/the-ferenstein-wire/the-birth-and-death-of-privacy-3-000-years-of-history-in-50-images-614c26059e …
As far as what's my business: in general I think telling people "the thing you're doing is bad and you're bad, stop doing it" mostly doesn't work, and when it does work it's borderline abusive. I think there are better ways for us to talk about how to be human together.
("The thing you're doing is bad and you're bad" is distinct from boundary-setting: "the thing you're doing is hurting me, and if you keep doing it, I'll leave." No need to appeal to the concept of badness here.)
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