As @slatestarcodex put it (https://slatestarcodex.com/2014/08/31/radicalizing-the-romanceless/ …): "When your position commits you to saying “Love isn’t important to humans and we should demand people stop caring about whether or not they have it,” you need to take a really careful look in the mirror"
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Emotional connection isn't the whole story. There's a part of you that dies without anybody to look at and touch you with eros. Cf.
@The_Weed's haunting post about his mixed-orientation marriage (husband gay, wife straight) ending: http://joshweed.com/2018/01/turning-unicorn-bat-post-announce-end-marriage/ …Show this thread -
They tried so hard to love each other, because they thought God wanted it, and it destroyed them. Josh (husband): "The love I felt was real, but something in me wanted to die." "[W]hen we don’t have attachment—and have no hope of attachment–our brain tells us we need to die."
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Lolly (wife): "He has never touched me with the sensitive touch of a lover." "Subconsciously, it was a constant message. You aren’t attractive. You aren’t wanted. You aren’t beautiful. You aren’t a good enough woman."
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This despite the fact that their marriage was full of love and, for that matter, sex. But: "So much of that sexual activity was a belief that deep down, somewhere in me, I was actually straight..." "...more than that [sex] was an act that distanced me from the core of myself."
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It's a heartbreaking story and it has much to teach. Romantic attachment is real and important, Josh and Lolly didn't have it, and despite having just about everything else including sex, it was killing them. Again, how much worse must it be for incels?
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The standard take on incels concentrates on their toxic ideology, and yes, it's bad shit, but I don't have it in me to hate them for it. They don't have any other way of orienting towards their pain, and hating them for it is the opposite of helpful.
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End of conversation
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