Respect for writing about this. The treatment of incels in popular discourse has been so uncompassionate and I'm so mad about it. Incels are suffering and there are no structures in place to help them. I have many thoughts. Thread:https://twitter.com/zach_two_times/status/1046824176202514432 …
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I think sex workers can be an important part of the way forward. There is a societal role we mostly don't have and badly need, in the neighborhood of sex worker / therapist / priestess, cf. the Kushiel's Legacy series. Teachers of sacred sexuality.
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I was lucky enough to work with a tantric sex coach in 2017. First woman I met with big priestess energy. She taught me so much I didn't know and needed. Wrote a tiny bit about it here:https://thicketforte.com/2018/06/05/performing-desire/ …
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Incels don't even have sex workers to open up to (apparently many of them hate sex workers, welp). Just each other. They may never have experienced someone fully welcoming them, but they can tell that something's missing, and they can tell that they hurt.
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Emotional connection isn't the whole story. There's a part of you that dies without anybody to look at and touch you with eros. Cf.
@The_Weed's haunting post about his mixed-orientation marriage (husband gay, wife straight) ending: http://joshweed.com/2018/01/turning-unicorn-bat-post-announce-end-marriage/ …Show this thread -
They tried so hard to love each other, because they thought God wanted it, and it destroyed them. Josh (husband): "The love I felt was real, but something in me wanted to die." "[W]hen we don’t have attachment—and have no hope of attachment–our brain tells us we need to die."
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Lolly (wife): "He has never touched me with the sensitive touch of a lover." "Subconsciously, it was a constant message. You aren’t attractive. You aren’t wanted. You aren’t beautiful. You aren’t a good enough woman."
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This despite the fact that their marriage was full of love and, for that matter, sex. But: "So much of that sexual activity was a belief that deep down, somewhere in me, I was actually straight..." "...more than that [sex] was an act that distanced me from the core of myself."
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It's a heartbreaking story and it has much to teach. Romantic attachment is real and important, Josh and Lolly didn't have it, and despite having just about everything else including sex, it was killing them. Again, how much worse must it be for incels?
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The standard take on incels concentrates on their toxic ideology, and yes, it's bad shit, but I don't have it in me to hate them for it. They don't have any other way of orienting towards their pain, and hating them for it is the opposite of helpful.
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End of conversation
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