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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    26. pro 2018.

    If you peel the yogurt lid and throw it away without licking it, I’m mad at you.

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. kol 2014.

    I've heard reports of quarter size hail, dime size hail & penny size hail. Talk about a change in the weather.

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    9. svi 2019.

    ME: "How many cats does it take to change a lightbulb?" CAT: ... ME: ... CAT: [getting up] "You can just ask me like a normal person, you know."

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    9. ožu 2018.

    Her: You’ve changed. Chameleon: Jesus, Karen, not this again.

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. stu 2019.

    I usually have Cap’n Crunch for breakfast, but everyone keeps telling me that change is good.

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 3 sata

    Me: I’m not going to change just to please someone else. Her: Is that what you’re wearing out tonight? Me: Me: *slinks off to change clothes* ᴵ’ᵐ ᵈᵒᶦⁿᵍ ᵗʰᶦˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᴹᴱ

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    5. kol 2016.

    In hell, auto correct will always change it to "should of".

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    6. velj 2017.

    Librarian: Shhh! Me: *changes blender to low setting*

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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. kol 2019.

    Waiter: Fresh pepper, sir? Me: Yes, please. Pepper: Honey, I'm as single as a dollar and I'm not lookin' for change.

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  10. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 4 sata

    Husband: *throws the ball with spin like a pro bowler* Me: It’s the 10th frame and you have 2 points. Try throwing it like a normal person.

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    My bank: You should change your password every 6 months for security purposes. Me: What kind of a genius do you think I am? I can't even remember my old password.

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    28. lis 2019.

    *Dahmer: The Musical* Jeffrey: I feel a change, Mother. His mom: A change, my son? What sort of change? Singers: 🎵A change! A change! He says he feels a change! He started out with frogs and trout, but now he’s real deranged!🎵

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    H: I'm going to the store. M: Why don't you take my truck? [3 hrs later] H: Your truck was out of gas, the tires needed air and it needed an oil change. M: You don't say? Huh, weird. *sips wine*

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    My husband is considering buying a nutsack for the back of his pickup truck. I had no choice but to go on FB and change our relationship status to 'it's complicated'.

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata

    John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: I’m thinking of changing my name. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: Same. John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt: Why? I really like both of your names.

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    1. velj

    The series finale of the news better tie up all these loose ends and set up a spin-off called “Weather”

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Excuse me, I’m sorry to interrupt but woodpecker tongues go all the way the hell around the top of their skulls like some kind of insane deli ticket machine

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    18. svi 2016.

    Psychiatrist "Tell me about your trust issues." Me "No"

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    20. sij

    People Giving Writing Advice: Be you, just write what you know Me, typing: “Her eyes shimmered like oil in a deep fryer. She had hair like brown linguini, and thighs like albino sea lions.” People: wait no, why are you like that

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    12. pro 2017.

    [therapy session] Robin Williams: Its not your fault Han Solo: I know Robin Williams: Its not your fault Han Solo: I know Robin Williams: Its not your fault Han Solo: I know Robin Williams: Its not your fault Han Solo: I know Robin Williams: Its not your fault Han Solo: I know

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 28 minuta

    I saw a woman running into the liquor store, and now I’m super sad I never knew I had a twin sister.

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