It seems to be a bad idea to me to deliberately inflate the self esteem of children. If they are smart they notice the gaslighting, if they are not they develop impostor syndrome. Both undermines their ability to properly judge and regulate their relationship to the world.
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How a child can differentiate undeserved praise from deserved? Even adults often can't do that. It's also based on your subjective feeling of effort and comparison with others. For example my insecurities comes from comparison with geniuses and high achievers.
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A child will usually notice know hard it was to get a certain result, if it failed to perform to its own expectations etc. If external feedback cannot be synchronized with own judgement, own judgement is unreliable, which will lead to insecurity.
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This might indicate your inflated confidence in your ability to provide “accurate enough” calibration. Judgement will always be on incomplete information by suboptimal neural nets. Must choose the side one errs on. Bring the observer into the relationship. Moderation is key.
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I don't understand why it is better to consistently err on one side instead of conferring the degree of uncertainty that we attribute to our judgement. I find it helpful to ask my children for feedback about my feedback.
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