It feels like at every Apple event they talk about the iPhone checking your blood glucose and it honestly makes me afraid to touch the thing.
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At least now Apple now lets your elderly relatives securely share their encrypted heartbeat with you as you try to walk them out of some seven-layer-deep keyboard shortcut. It lends a nice Edgar Allan Poe touch to intergenerational tech support
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Still waiting for the part of the Apple event where we all pretend like it's a gaming machine
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Misheard the announcement that they're introducing concurrency for Swift as "cryptocurrency" and nearly had a heart attack that would have been duly registered on my iPhone.
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Please tell me that this is how coding works in Swift, that you draw these squiggly blue lines on your iWatch and it sets up all the mutexes and shitpic.twitter.com/HO7xsyfrnI
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Apple now boasting that it's paid a quarter trillion dollars in app fees to developers on the platform where it keeps a third of the money.
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Why does a cloud need a blueprint and where does the hammer figure in? How do these people win all the design awards?pic.twitter.com/HfgnqZ2NCz
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I guess XCode now compiles your code in the cloud so your CPU can focus on rendering a 90 megabyte Apple web page
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We're at the part of the event where everyone is afraid Tim Cook will bring out U2
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"Oh and one more thing," Cook says, turning back to the camera. "Use Pinboard! Until we clone it!"
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End of conversation
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I will settle for plugging in a cable and knowing that my phone will not stop charging in 47 seconds just because it does not feel like charging
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