iPad people are boasting about how you can now run multiple apps on your windowed device, a perennial Apple flex that has grown steadily less impressive since 1993
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New set of keyboard shortcuts will allow your cat's ass to lock you out of your iPad in a way that persists across factory resets
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Actual Apple slide. Seriously, what happened in Cupertino? This layout looks more like a coupon insert from the Sunday saver than the usual Ive era work productpic.twitter.com/eL9soBGArY
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Now they're on to privacy. "At Apple, we believe privacy outside mainland China is a fundamental human right."
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A lot of these welcome Apple privacy features are along the lines of "your phone will now do what you thought it was doing all along," like not sending your microphone feed to the Philippines for speech-to-text.
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New social unlock feature for your phone means if enough of your family members hate you, they can read your email. Should bring a welcome dose of GAME THEORY to Thanksgiving
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"There has to be a better way than just treating a patient, handing them a bunch of papers, and expect they understand. What if we completely re-engineer the process for a heart attack patient?" says company that has placed power button next to backspace key for 15 years
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"As you walk with your iPhone, the motion sensors detect how fast and easily you walk, as well as the length and timing of each step." The iPhone's M1 chip analyzes this data on die and decides in real time whether to direct you to a late night kebab shop
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It feels like at every Apple event they talk about the iPhone checking your blood glucose and it honestly makes me afraid to touch the thing.
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Replying to @Pinboard
it will detect when you are becoming dangerously sober and give you directions to the nearest liquor store or bar
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"Stagger 14 steps to the left, then 7 to the right"
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