Two turns in and already I can see how this smirking bastard dough is going to fuck me. It feeds off fear, but frustration and anger is its dessert.
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Replying to @Pinboard
How the fuck did you roll out a 300g 40cm beurrage? Was Paul Hollywood just fucking trolling me?
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Replying to @tqbf
Have you watched the shows where it's just him and Mary Berry demonstrating recipes? It's enraging. He doesn't even get flour on his cuffs and just does stuff like roll out a perfect rectangle of butter. In my case, I smashed it into a rectangle, fixed the shape, and cooled it
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Specifically I let 3 sticks of butter get soft enough to squash, rolled them into a roughly correct-sized shape on wax paper, trimmed and patched the mess into a rectangle, then cooled it all in the fridge until it was a cold slab
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Replying to @Pinboard
I did that on parchment (I watched a sort of douchey video with a good-seeming trick of making a correctly-sized envelope of parchment and smashing the butter in it to even thickness); chilled it, and it was so thin it stuck to the parchment.
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I have no idea why mine didn't stick to the wax paper, but somehow it didn't. You can try doing it on cling film if you want to wade further into this tarpit of frustration
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