I'll livetweet today's Apple event in this thread for old time's sake, and if you enjoy it, please take a minute to give some scratch to the Great Slate! These rural Democrats didn't take away your headphone jack—they want more headphone jacks for all.https://secure.actblue.com/donate/great_slate …
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The new iPhone will have 25% more G than any previous Apple devicepic.twitter.com/Md1ruXcfAz
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Verizon CEO (who sounds exactly like Nick Rivera on the Simpsons) appears in a fulminating, sulfurous cloudpic.twitter.com/d7AGHnX4Bj
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Cook actually bragged that the iPhone would use the rickety new 5G network instead of connecting to much faster public WiFi hotspots
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Can't overstress the incredible fiveness of G at this iPhone rollout.https://www.theonion.com/fuck-everything-were-doing-five-blades-1819584036 …
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Marketing exec gushes about a revolutionary new design as an iPhone 5SE with more camera warts slides into framepic.twitter.com/jw4Wbp9joT
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"First we made our phones too big and uncomfortably round on the edges. Now they are smaller and have straight sharp edges again, until next year we round them and make them bigger again"pic.twitter.com/wkQ9IMPjm9
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New iPhone has NANOCRYSTALS and twice the pixels than the last phone that was supposed to have more pixels than the human eye could resolvepic.twitter.com/GwbPJKzKcB
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Apple's anechoic chamber lets you scream about the absence of a headphone jack in this device that totally has room for it without anyone hearing youpic.twitter.com/Wyq5GUp3eB
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Lots of talk about the fancy new chip in the phone. A14 enables every experience you have on iPhone, except being able to see on a map if the Hong Kong police is tear gassing your neighbors or making arbitrary arrestspic.twitter.com/MHZdF5TaDu
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The phone has a camera! It seems to make everything look like real estate listing photospic.twitter.com/WiruF48nGO
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Do you miss MagSafe on your laptop? Well fuck you, here it is on your phone! And they use a custom nanocrystalline shield to capture magnetic flux! Apple must have hired a ton of L'Oreal scientists this year because everything now has nanocrystalspic.twitter.com/Ul1ala2HOm
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Apple pledges to be entirely carbon neutral by 2030. Kiss your coal-fired iPod goodbye.pic.twitter.com/RRPvsU55yk
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They have also made a slightly smaller version of the new phone without sacrificing any G or nanocrystalspic.twitter.com/NZEDq3Xfcp
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You can buy these phones, featuring nanocrystals, magnets, hyaluronic acid, and micellar water for less than the price of a monitor stand!pic.twitter.com/jvBGoIpOAi
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New "Relaxed Fit" screen is bigger than ever, because let's face it, you are toopic.twitter.com/xlJKSzjnL0
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I can't really keep up with the specs, but basically this phone has 40% more woo than the regular plebe phone. The presenter definitely has a way fancier shirt than the garbage phone person had.pic.twitter.com/g3g2ijOvyU
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iPhone now bragging about censorship. I mean sensor shift! https://twitter.com/Pinboard/status/1183751308802699264 …
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The phone has a LiDAR scanner to make it an even better surveillance device while keeping it warm in the handpic.twitter.com/DYM9OKHiBn
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This is definitely the horsiest phone Apple has ever presentedpic.twitter.com/Ln6e5RWX3c
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Behold the minimalist simplicity of Apple's naming scheme!pic.twitter.com/4RlHY3p99M
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So there you have it! Fancier phones and a home surveillance golf ball, all manufactured by forced labor under a genocidal regime. But soon—carbon neutral!https://www.extremetech.com/extreme/306909-report-china-sells-minorities-into-forced-labor-to-benefit-apple-foxconn-others …
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