I was terrified. Especially because the ONLY person (other than my health care professionals) who ever said they thought I was autistic, was my rapist and abuser. He had known exactly how to manipulate me, and it turned out HE had been right all along: that I was on the spectrum.
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The idea that
@Exurb1a had guessed it right, that I was autistic, while nobody else considered it, made me feel really vulnerable. As if he knew me better than I had known myself - and knew exactly how to play, trigger and hurt me, and use my empathy & autism against me.1 reply 3 retweets 3 likesShow this thread -
Because really, unlike many people think, people with autism do not lack empathy. We do however find it difficult sometimes to understand certain things. For me, that would be, uncovering if someone is malicious and lying to me. I was much more naive and gullible before.
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Initially, the autism diagnosis terrified me. However, as I soon found out, it would soon empower me as a woman, and human, instead. It taught me a lot about myself, and other people. It taught me also why I keep warning people about my rapist. It's partly because I am autistic.
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I feel literally sick, when I don't do what I think is morally right. When I don't follow the rules of the code living inside my brain. The morals I've had since I developed a sense of what was right, and what was wrong.
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Exurb1a knew all this about me. He knew I couldn't handle injustice. So when he silenced me with threats and blackmail for 6 weeks, while I was hospitalised, after he assaulted and raped me, he was trying to drive me to commit suicide. He was mentally torturing my autistic brain.
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The torture was the injustice of being forced into silence, and the threat that he would spread lies about me, in case I would speak out. If you've always tried to be a decent human being, the threat of someone spreading lies that you aren't, to thousands of people, is very real.
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Imagine the person who does this, is someone who claims they love you. Because yes - while
@Exurb1a was doing this, he claimed he loved me still - while I told him I didn't love him anymore (NO SHIT, AFTER WHAT HE WAS DOING). Imagine you loved this person at one point though.1 reply 2 retweets 2 likesShow this thread -
So when you read about my rape story, I would like to point this all out to you. My rape story isn't a rape story alone. It's a story about blackmail. Threats. (Online) Harassment. Stalking. Death threats. Power Dynamics. It's a story about abuse of power.
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It's a story about a person who betrayed another human being, for fame and money. It's a story about a narcissist, who tried to murder his autistic rape victim, by trying to drive her to commit suicide, after he raped and assaulted her, so the story would be buried with her.
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That autistic rape victim, is me.
My rapist is Alexander Donald McKechnie. Youtuber @Exurb1a.
Read my call for action blog, addressed at the CEO of youtube, @SusanWojcicki, and the CEO of @patreon, @jackconte.
https://www.photoandgrime.com/blog-1/my-rapist-exurb1a-and-i-were-collaborating-youtube-timesupyoutube-susan-wojcicki/hospital-and-mental-health-stories …
@teamyoutube
#TIMESUPYOUTUBE
#MeTooYoutube
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Artist & advocate.