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My understanding of that phrase is that there is no wrong way to respond during the abuse, as in, "The correct response to abuse is the one that results in you surviving the attack," thus trying to mitigate shame survivors feel regarding what they had to do to not get killed.
Well yes, if it's a matter of survival then culpability is mitigated (and hopefully thereby shame). But even during abuse - verbal taunting, for example, over a long period of time - a violent response is understandable. But it's not clear it's not wrong.
I guess I've only heard it in the context of sexual assault. I would agree that it's not the same if the abuse is nonviolent.
Okay. But I've been sexually assaulted (unwanted groping at work). It would have been absolutely wrong for me to have hurt the person who did it. Obviously, I'm not saying that violence is never appropriate. I'm saying whether it's appropriate must be decided case by case.
You're right; there is a lot of nuance that can't be summed up in an aphorism. I just wanted to acknowledge that some of the intentions behind it are noble.
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