Paul Rudnick

@PaulRudnickNY

Novelist, playwright, essayist and screenwriter, whom the New York Times has called, “one of our pre-eminent humorists.” Illustration by Tom Bachtell

Vrijeme pridruživanja: rujan 2015.

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  1. prije 4 sata

    New in from Iowa: Piddle, Twiddle and Resolve just finished, audience member overheard whispering, "I hear Marianne Williamson is doing Mame next season"

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  2. prije 5 sati

    Just in from Iowa:

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  3. prije 17 sati

    Dumbest Trumps Eric and Lara say that because of Eric's Dad, "We're saying Merry Christmas again." And Eric's foundation is being investigated for money laundering, while Lara mocked Biden's stutter. The couple are believed to be Dr. Frankenstein's high school science project

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  4. prije 20 sati

    Conservatives are attacking the Superbowl Halftime Show for being vulgar, crass and crudely sexual. Unlike the quiet good taste of the Trump family

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  5. prije 23 sata

    Greta Thunberg has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize and it's driving the Trumpites crazy. She's brave, selfless and wants to help the world, so she can't possibly be a Republican. She's the opposite of Trump: a thoughtful, passionate human being

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  6. 3. velj

    When Lindsey Graham talks to the media you can see him desperately trying to remember what Trump told him to say, like a scared intern with a checklist: "And then, and then - Biden! And - Pelosi! And - Trump has huge hands! And - America! America Trump good! Can I get an Advil?"

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  7. 3. velj

    Why is the Internet ignoring Babynut's two Dads, Benson and Mr. Peanut? They've also adopted a cashew, a pecan cluster and a Raisinette, declaring, "We're not just a blended family. We're bridge mix"

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  8. 3. velj

    I'm pitching a troubled orphan. He's adopted by Shakira and JLo. When anyone tries to bully him, they show up and ask, "Is there a problem?" He has the best college application essay ever. He grows up to become President, right after they do. This photo is from their Inauguration

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  9. 3. velj

    Just once I'd like to see a Superbowl winner turn to the camera and say, "I'm going to see the My Fair Lady tour at the Kennedy Center"

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  10. 2. velj

    I hate it when I start watching the Superbowl late and miss the quarterback's "I want" song

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  11. 2. velj

    What if during intermission at Broadway musicals, all the ushers ran onstage and played football?

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  12. 2. velj

    A Trump lie: that he's an underdog who's been disrespected and not given a chance. In fact he's a racist sexual predator who rejected over half the country since his first day in office. That's not an underdog; that's a vicious bully, and that's what his supporters envy and crave

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  13. 2. velj

    Jeanine Pirro's dating profile: "I enjoy worshipping tyrants, getting suspended for racism, dressing like the flower girl at a mob wedding, hiding an extra pair of heels in my hair, hugging Rudy until we're both covered in makeup, making facism fun, scaring kids with my smile"

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  14. 2. velj

    When Trump supporters say "He's a straight shooter" or "I like what he stands for" what they mean is "He had me at racism"

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  15. 1. velj

    "It's the worst day of my life: my part is off-center, the Times called me Trump's eldest daughter, my staff forgot to start the applause at the trafficking summit, Lisa Murkowski demanded my diamond earrings and said 'you know why', and Lindsey Graham said, 'Dibs on the brooch'"

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  16. 1. velj

    It takes a very special sports fan to imagine a Superbowl halftime show reuniting the Joannes from all the revivals of Company

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  17. 1. velj

    Evangelical Franklin Graham was banned from 3 more venues in England for saying LGBTQ people are "a full-scale assault against Christianity." He claims "I don't hate anyone" but it was hard to hear him under the white hood. Mike Pence advised, "I have a linen hood for summer"

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  18. 1. velj

    That moment when you're about to make a speech on human trafficking, even though most of the guests canceled because you run sweatshops, your Dad is a predator and his immigration policies encourage trafficking. And you don't have time to change out of your hotel spa massage robe

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  19. 31. sij

    "Excuse me, but I am not a cowardly pile of putrid garbage who'll do anything to stay in office! I'm a Republican, which makes all of that redundant! And if Mr. Trump wants to call me his ass-kissing lapdog, I will demand my own bowl! I am Lindsey Graham and I grovel with pride!"

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  20. 31. sij

    To be fair, no one should be disappointed by any Republican senator. If they had the slightest humanity or courage, they wouldn't be Republicans. They're not holding their noses and supporting Trump - they are Trump. Ratifying bigotry and selfishness isn't a problem

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