Learned today that my ex-husband buys his weed from a lesbian dominatrix that banned him from DJing at her sex club because he kept playing his version of "Lean on Me" made entirely of samples of Homer saying "d'oh".
korean horror is like "I don't know whether my house is possessed by a serial killer or if a human man is possessed by my serial killer house but one thing is for certain: I don't know if my sister actually exists or is a figment of my imagination"
japanese horror is like "the deepest pit of human terror is to be utterly alone in the most densely populated place in the world, pressed like a sardine against millions of other bodies without the slightest experience of human contact"
In case you didn't know, the clitoris is a homologue of the penis. It's very similar in structure, tissue composition, and function apart from not having a urethra passing through it. So if you've ever felt your clit throbbing kind of pleasantly, you've experienced a boner
A week ago around this time, I got official word that I have thyroid cancer. Luckily, thyroid cancer is very treatable and I'll have surgery to take care of it in two days. I've been feeling a lot of gratitude for my friends, including Twitter. You guys are the tiddies. Good day.
3. If you send text messages like the one in this post, you are reveling in and glorifying the worst aspects of your disorder and are 100% the type of person with bpd who should be avoided
comedy is wild, man. a booker is telling me "I've never seen you do 20 before... can you send a clip?" so I went 9000% petty and sent him a clip of me doing 20 mins of standup in which you can hear his laughter because it's from a gig at his club that he booked me for 2 years ago