PHP CEO

@PHP_CEO

CEO OF A PHP COMPANY. DISAPPOINTING HUSBAND. DISAPPOINTED FATHER.

PHPCEO@OUTLOOK.COM
medium.com/@PHP_CEO
Joined January 2014
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    12 Sep 2017

    DUE TO COMPANY PASSWORD POLICY WE WILL BE REQUIRING ALL STAFF WHO GET THE NEW IPHONE TO HAVE THEIR FACE SURGICALLY ALTERED EVERY 90 DAYS

    232 replies 21,563 retweets 41,532 likes
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  2. Feb 4

    WITH REGRET I HAVE TO ANNOUNCE WE'VE JUST DISCOVERED A 25 YEAR OLD VULNERABILITY IN OUR CODE HIS NAME IS BRIAN AND HE LIKES INSTALLING CRYPTO MINERS ON EVERY COMPUTER HE CAN TYPE THINGS INTO

    15 replies 420 retweets 1,538 likes
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  3. 17 Sep 2018

    THANKS TO TIRELESS CHEFS WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK WE HAVE CREATED A 40 FOOT PIZZA ALLOWING US TO ADD ANOTHER 150 PEOPLE TO OUR TWO PIZZA TEAM

    1 reply 239 retweets 629 likes
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  4. 14 Jul 2018

    YOU TOO CAN HAVE PIPING HOT MICRO SERVICES SECURELY DELIVERED TO YOUR SMART PHONE 24 HOURS A DAY BY DISTRIBUTED CLOUD AI, SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL YOUR PERSONAL DATA IS ENCRYPTED WITH THE LATEST MACHINE LEARNING BLOCKCHAINS

    29 replies 427 retweets 1,273 likes
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  5. 14 May 2018

    HR UPDATE: IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE SURE OUR PEOPLE ARE ALL "SMART" PEOPLE WE WILL BE IMPLANTING EVERYONE WITH A MONITORING CHIP I PERSONALLY COUD NOT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THE EMERGING INTERNET OF FLESH

    2 replies 59 retweets 236 likes
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  6. 5 May 2018

    NEW PULL REQUEST POLICY: ALL ENGINEERS MUST STARE ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYES FOR A FULL TEN SECONDS WHILE SWEARING A BLOOD OATH THAT THEY ARE NOT ADDING ANY NEW BUGS NO BLOOD NO MERGE

    21 replies 737 retweets 2,150 likes
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  7. 26 Sep 2017

    HELLO ITS ME THE GUY THEY CHOSE TO GIVE 280 CHARACTERS OF UNMITIGATED TWITTER TO THAT'S RIGHT NOW YOU CAN ENJOY ALL OF MY MOST BRILLIANT TH

    4 replies 85 retweets 371 likes
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  8. 22 Sep 2017

    HOW CAN OUR DATA BE RELATIONAL IF THE POSTGRES WEBSITE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A PHONE NUMBER DUMBASS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY DATA IN IT

    1 reply 88 retweets 277 likes
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  9. 9 Aug 2017

    BUT WHAT ABOUT MY INALIENABLE RIGHTS — A THINKPIECE

    4 replies 37 retweets 84 likes
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  10. 9 Aug 2017

    INTERESTING HOW SOCIAL SCIENCE IS BOGUS UNTIL YOU FIND SOME OF ITS PRACTITIONERS SHARE YOUR FASHION SENSE

    5 replies 63 retweets 231 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    8 Aug 2017

    We've been sort of dragged into this; look basically we're sick of dealing with every Steve that comes along with some crackpot map theory.

    2 replies 29 retweets 103 likes
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  12. 8 Aug 2017
    Replying to

    THE MAPS TEAM WEREN’T IMPRESSED BUT STEVE INSISTS THERE ARE MANY SELF-PUBLISHED PDFS FROM PEOPLE WITH UNRELATED DOCTORATES THAT SUPPORT HIM

    4 replies 189 retweets 845 likes
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  13. 8 Aug 2017

    WE SUPPORT DIVERSITY OF VIEWPOINTS HERE STEVE’S GOT A THREE HOUR PRESENTATION ON FLAT EARTH THEORY I’M SURE OUR MAPS TEAM WILL APPRECIATE

    37 replies 2,990 retweets 8,281 likes
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  14. 31 May 2017

    HEY {{NAME}}! WANTED TO PERSONALLY INVITE YOU TO OUR {{ELABORATE EUPHEMISM FOR TECH TALKS RUN BY THE RECRUITERS}} EVENT NEXT WEDNESDAY

    6 replies 165 retweets 463 likes
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  15. 18 May 2017

    HEY JUST ABOUT TO PUT SOME MUSIC ON IN THE OFFICE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME IF IT’S LOUD EVEN THOUGH I CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE ON A WHIM

    47 retweets 206 likes
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  16. 16 May 2017

    I just published “WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH ME?!”

    1 reply 12 retweets 31 likes
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  17. 16 May 2017

    RANSOMWARE IS THE BEST GROWTH HACK I'VE EVER SEEN VIRAL ADOPTION INSANE CONVERSION ASK ENGINEERING HOW WE CAN GET IN ON THAT

    7 replies 546 retweets 1,116 likes
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  18. 15 May 2017

    IM & IM HERE 2 SAY DONT BE A H8R IN A COUNTERINTUITIVE DOMAIN ITLL TRIP U UP AND REVEAL UR BIAS BUT DONT TRUST ME HERE THE SCIENCE:

    2 replies 9 retweets 41 likes
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  19. 3 May 2017

    WHATSAPP IS DOWN FUCK ERLANG

    1 reply 173 retweets 391 likes
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  20. 18 Apr 2017

    INVESTOR UPDATE: WE ARE NOW A MOVEMENT INSTEAD OF A COMPANY WE DO NOT SELL SOFTWARE WE DEMOCRATIZE IT HOCKEY STICKS FOR EVERYONE

    3 replies 142 retweets 376 likes
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