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DUE TO COMPANY PASSWORD POLICY WE WILL BE REQUIRING ALL STAFF WHO GET THE NEW IPHONE TO HAVE THEIR FACE SURGICALLY ALTERED EVERY 90 DAYS
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WITH REGRET I HAVE TO ANNOUNCE WE'VE JUST DISCOVERED A 25 YEAR OLD VULNERABILITY IN OUR CODE HIS NAME IS BRIAN AND HE LIKES INSTALLING CRYPTO MINERS ON EVERY COMPUTER HE CAN TYPE THINGS INTO
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THANKS TO TIRELESS CHEFS WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK WE HAVE CREATED A 40 FOOT PIZZA ALLOWING US TO ADD ANOTHER 150 PEOPLE TO OUR TWO PIZZA TEAM
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YOU TOO CAN HAVE PIPING HOT MICRO SERVICES SECURELY DELIVERED TO YOUR SMART PHONE 24 HOURS A DAY BY DISTRIBUTED CLOUD AI, SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL YOUR PERSONAL DATA IS ENCRYPTED WITH THE LATEST MACHINE LEARNING BLOCKCHAINS
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HR UPDATE: IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE SURE OUR PEOPLE ARE ALL "SMART" PEOPLE WE WILL BE IMPLANTING EVERYONE WITH A MONITORING CHIP I PERSONALLY COUD NOT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THE EMERGING INTERNET OF FLESH
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NEW PULL REQUEST POLICY: ALL ENGINEERS MUST STARE ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYES FOR A FULL TEN SECONDS WHILE SWEARING A BLOOD OATH THAT THEY ARE NOT ADDING ANY NEW BUGS NO BLOOD NO MERGE
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HELLO ITS ME THE GUY THEY CHOSE TO GIVE 280 CHARACTERS OF UNMITIGATED TWITTER TO THAT'S RIGHT NOW YOU CAN ENJOY ALL OF MY MOST BRILLIANT TH
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HOW CAN OUR DATA BE RELATIONAL IF THE POSTGRES WEBSITE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A PHONE NUMBER DUMBASS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY DATA IN IT
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BUT WHAT ABOUT MY INALIENABLE RIGHTS — A THINKPIECEhttps://medium.com/@PHP_CEO/but-what-about-my-inalienable-rights-aa04100b99a8 …
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INTERESTING HOW SOCIAL SCIENCE IS BOGUS UNTIL YOU FIND SOME OF ITS PRACTITIONERS SHARE YOUR FASHION SENSEpic.twitter.com/LyfHSYCVGp
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PHP CEO Retweeted
We've been sort of dragged into this; look basically we're sick of dealing with every Steve that comes along with some crackpot map theory.
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THE MAPS TEAM WEREN’T IMPRESSED BUT STEVE INSISTS THERE ARE MANY SELF-PUBLISHED PDFS FROM PEOPLE WITH UNRELATED DOCTORATES THAT SUPPORT HIM
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WE SUPPORT DIVERSITY OF VIEWPOINTS HERE STEVE’S GOT A THREE HOUR PRESENTATION ON FLAT EARTH THEORY I’M SURE OUR MAPS TEAM WILL APPRECIATE
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HEY {{NAME}}! WANTED TO PERSONALLY INVITE YOU TO OUR {{ELABORATE EUPHEMISM FOR TECH TALKS RUN BY THE RECRUITERS}} EVENT NEXT WEDNESDAY
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HEY JUST ABOUT TO PUT SOME MUSIC ON IN THE OFFICE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME IF IT’S LOUD EVEN THOUGH I CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE ON A WHIM
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I just published “WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH ME?!” https://medium.com/p/whats-happening-with-me-5e539872ce78 …
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RANSOMWARE IS THE BEST GROWTH HACK I'VE EVER SEEN VIRAL ADOPTION INSANE CONVERSION ASK ENGINEERING HOW WE CAN GET IN ON THAT
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IM
@PHP_CEO & IM HERE 2 SAY DONT BE A H8R IN A COUNTERINTUITIVE DOMAIN ITLL TRIP U UP AND REVEAL UR BIAS BUT DONT TRUST ME HERE THE SCIENCE:Thanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo -
WHATSAPP IS DOWN FUCK ERLANG
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INVESTOR UPDATE: WE ARE NOW A MOVEMENT INSTEAD OF A COMPANY WE DO NOT SELL SOFTWARE WE DEMOCRATIZE IT HOCKEY STICKS FOR EVERYONE
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