PHP CEO

@PHP_CEO

CEO OF A PHP COMPANY. DISAPPOINTING HUSBAND. DISAPPOINTED FATHER.

PHPCEO@OUTLOOK.COM
Joined January 2014

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    12 Sep 2017

    DUE TO COMPANY PASSWORD POLICY WE WILL BE REQUIRING ALL STAFF WHO GET THE NEW IPHONE TO HAVE THEIR FACE SURGICALLY ALTERED EVERY 90 DAYS

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  2. Feb 4

    WITH REGRET I HAVE TO ANNOUNCE WE'VE JUST DISCOVERED A 25 YEAR OLD VULNERABILITY IN OUR CODE HIS NAME IS BRIAN AND HE LIKES INSTALLING CRYPTO MINERS ON EVERY COMPUTER HE CAN TYPE THINGS INTO

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  3. 17 Sep 2018

    THANKS TO TIRELESS CHEFS WORKING AROUND THE CLOCK WE HAVE CREATED A 40 FOOT PIZZA ALLOWING US TO ADD ANOTHER 150 PEOPLE TO OUR TWO PIZZA TEAM

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  4. 14 Jul 2018

    YOU TOO CAN HAVE PIPING HOT MICRO SERVICES SECURELY DELIVERED TO YOUR SMART PHONE 24 HOURS A DAY BY DISTRIBUTED CLOUD AI, SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT ALL YOUR PERSONAL DATA IS ENCRYPTED WITH THE LATEST MACHINE LEARNING BLOCKCHAINS

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  5. 14 May 2018

    HR UPDATE: IN AN EFFORT TO MAKE SURE OUR PEOPLE ARE ALL "SMART" PEOPLE WE WILL BE IMPLANTING EVERYONE WITH A MONITORING CHIP I PERSONALLY COUD NOT BE MORE EXCITED ABOUT THE EMERGING INTERNET OF FLESH

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  6. 5 May 2018

    NEW PULL REQUEST POLICY: ALL ENGINEERS MUST STARE ME DIRECTLY IN THE EYES FOR A FULL TEN SECONDS WHILE SWEARING A BLOOD OATH THAT THEY ARE NOT ADDING ANY NEW BUGS NO BLOOD NO MERGE

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  7. 26 Sep 2017

    HELLO ITS ME THE GUY THEY CHOSE TO GIVE 280 CHARACTERS OF UNMITIGATED TWITTER TO THAT'S RIGHT NOW YOU CAN ENJOY ALL OF MY MOST BRILLIANT TH

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  8. 22 Sep 2017

    HOW CAN OUR DATA BE RELATIONAL IF THE POSTGRES WEBSITE DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A PHONE NUMBER DUMBASS HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO PUT MY DATA IN IT

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  9. 9 Aug 2017

    BUT WHAT ABOUT MY INALIENABLE RIGHTS — A THINKPIECE

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  10. 9 Aug 2017

    INTERESTING HOW SOCIAL SCIENCE IS BOGUS UNTIL YOU FIND SOME OF ITS PRACTITIONERS SHARE YOUR FASHION SENSE

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  11. Retweeted
    8 Aug 2017

    We've been sort of dragged into this; look basically we're sick of dealing with every Steve that comes along with some crackpot map theory.

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  12. 8 Aug 2017
    Replying to

    THE MAPS TEAM WEREN’T IMPRESSED BUT STEVE INSISTS THERE ARE MANY SELF-PUBLISHED PDFS FROM PEOPLE WITH UNRELATED DOCTORATES THAT SUPPORT HIM

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  13. 8 Aug 2017

    WE SUPPORT DIVERSITY OF VIEWPOINTS HERE STEVE’S GOT A THREE HOUR PRESENTATION ON FLAT EARTH THEORY I’M SURE OUR MAPS TEAM WILL APPRECIATE

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  14. 31 May 2017

    HEY {{NAME}}! WANTED TO PERSONALLY INVITE YOU TO OUR {{ELABORATE EUPHEMISM FOR TECH TALKS RUN BY THE RECRUITERS}} EVENT NEXT WEDNESDAY

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  15. 18 May 2017

    HEY JUST ABOUT TO PUT SOME MUSIC ON IN THE OFFICE FEEL FREE TO TELL ME IF IT’S LOUD EVEN THOUGH I CAN MAKE YOUR LIFE MISERABLE ON A WHIM

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  16. 16 May 2017

    I just published “WHAT’S HAPPENING WITH ME?!”

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  17. 16 May 2017

    RANSOMWARE IS THE BEST GROWTH HACK I'VE EVER SEEN VIRAL ADOPTION INSANE CONVERSION ASK ENGINEERING HOW WE CAN GET IN ON THAT

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  18. 15 May 2017

    IM & IM HERE 2 SAY DONT BE A H8R IN A COUNTERINTUITIVE DOMAIN ITLL TRIP U UP AND REVEAL UR BIAS BUT DONT TRUST ME HERE THE SCIENCE:

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  19. 3 May 2017

    WHATSAPP IS DOWN FUCK ERLANG

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  20. 18 Apr 2017

    INVESTOR UPDATE: WE ARE NOW A MOVEMENT INSTEAD OF A COMPANY WE DO NOT SELL SOFTWARE WE DEMOCRATIZE IT HOCKEY STICKS FOR EVERYONE

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