Dr Zuleyka Zevallos

Thanks all who checked in. I'm fine. I was shook up and upset because two of us hopped off the train & told the station attendant about the third drunk violent man and he said: "This train has to move." He waved the train away. We couldn't believe this nonchalant response.

The train schedule was more important than all those packed passengers who were being frightened by this man. He was yelling, getting in men's faces. "What the fuck you looking at?" "You want a go?" Yelled at his girlfriend, calling her a "bitch" & "cunt" for trying to calm him

TW violence: I thought about the girlfriend all the way home. I grew up with women like her. I've been trapped like her. I grew up in a violent household. I've had lots of violent men in various friendship groups. They pick fights at parties, weddings, clubs, on the street.

TW VAW: on the train, she pleaded with him. She raised her voice to match his. She told him he was an idiot for getting so drunk on a Sunday night. She said he was selfish. All he cared about was his mates who'd jumped off the train without him after the fight. He swore non-stop

TW violence: Before it started, I knew it would be a fight. Growing up around violence you know the signs between showboating & men who want to see blood. Other passengers looked ahead as they got in men's faces. "Are you looking at me?" "I'm not looking at you, mate."

TW violence: The 2 men were picking a fight with the two men sitting next to me. I was by the window and couldn't leave. The man who stood up to them - I've thought about his girlfriend who got hit as she tried to protect him. The men hit him together in front of us. Packed train

TW violence. The passengers dispersed instead of helping. The girlfriend & me yelling for them to stop. There we were. A bunch of strangers, all with intimate experience of violence. No one else helped. No one checked on us. The train stopped at the station and they jumped off.

Not sure what happened to the men because I was on the phone to the police. I had to call twice: once during the fight, then when I hopped off & the 3rd man remained on the train. 1st I was shaken. It was more important to keep the train running than to take the violent man off

TW VAW: The police said they'd get the 3rd man at the next stop but who knows if they did. That safety wasn't the priority over schedule is appalling. But I was more overwhelmed as I thought about the two women & what it means to be around violent men. Unpredictability of it.

TW VAW: there are damaged men who think fighting other men is their only release. Then there are the women who try to calm them down. It's awful. And so I think of the 2 women & myself & others whose life is punctuated by violence even when we work hard to get away from it.