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Yes exactly. When women kill their children & die by suicide it is not to hurt their partner. They are often victims of intimate partner violence and cannot imagine who will look after their kids when they're gone. It's an extreme & warped extension of traditional motherhood.
Still a gendered act because there are social patterns that differ for men and women in terms of motives, & yet men's violence is still connected in both cases. Isolated cases that don't conform to this social pattern do not invalidate the gendered dynamics.
There's a lot of research on this but the best is this review of evidence by Aussie sociologist. It reviews two decades of data. Unfortunately it's behind a pay wall. It looks at court records, suicide notes and other forensic evidence. http://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/144078330003600101?journalCode=josb …
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