...the suffering. But I've really still been struggling. I've got a new job and I feel really good about it. But I keep having these incredible waves of suicidal ideation. I know how to use CBT and I feel like I'm handling it. But it gets a lil harder every wave and it ....
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...triggers some of my latent existential depression. Maybe it's seeing the finalality of it all so close and viscerally. But I'm struggling to "see the point of it all" even in a profession where there isn't a rat race and is psychologically fulfilling I can't shake the...
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...feeling that I'm just on another pointless loop. Maybe that's all any of us will ever have, but I used to feel like I was on an arc. It's almost like I'm on an extended mild bad trip that keeps looping me back to the trauma which mirrors the loops we all follow in modern...
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...society. Fortunately most days I'm busy enough that I don't have time to engage in these thoughts, but when I slow down, they all come rushing in.
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