It was kind of more insulting because I was in the military at the time, choices were not really available to me, much less the "choice" to be "happy", and my civvie af mom had no fucking idea what I was going through and was not especially intrigued to find out
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Anyway she sends me some money on my birthday (she's estranged from me, not the other way around, I've never been cagey about that) and this year she said in her card, unprompted, that "happiness is a state of mind; not a destination or a goal", so she's still on this same track
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I kind of feel bad for Michael J. Fox because the Good Morning America crowd kind of caricatures him as having no meaningful qualities other than his optimism, as if he's not a fully-faceted person with complex interiorities, he's not your daily affirmation porn
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Thinking about this because Fox really seems like kind of an unhappy optimist nowadays He's been going through a lot of traumatic shit and in interviews he sounds genuinely kind of somber and heartbroken under all the positivity A pollyanna, he is nothttps://www.usatoday.com/story/entertainment/celebrities/2020/11/04/michael-j-fox-details-parkinsons-health-struggles-tumor/6158718002/ …
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Sounds like he doesn't really want to retire but he has to because, y'know, he's kind of falling apart He knows he's blessed because, y'know, he's a celebrity, and that's a comfort to him, but like come on
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I don't believe in "happiness", or any of its less etymologically loaded siblings in the thesaurus, "merriment", or "joy" as a state of mind Happiness isn't a state of mind, it's a state of body, it's a state of meat Happiness is carnal, it's sensory
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The crudest, lowest, most traditionally vulgar elements of human experience are "true happiness" Happiness is ugly It's the feeling of gorging yourself on an entire bag of Funyuns, of the dopamine hit of an iOS game full of microtransactions, of jerking off to fetish erotica
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And, yeah, a body that perpetually betrays you will gradually winnow away your ability to access these pleasures, and with them, your happiness Disabled people understand this, trans people with gender dysphoria understand this, mentally ill people understand this
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