46. MORROWIND: TRIBUNAL should have let you make out with Almalexia before she betrayed you Sorry, that's a terrible 46 46. MORROWIND is a better game when you load up the soundtrack with a bunch of J-pop songs Wait, no 46. Unmodded Morrowind is not especially playable THERE
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55. The question of "if Mario is to Peach what Luigi is to Daisy, and if Mario is to Wario what is Luigi to Waluigi, then Mario is to Peach what Wario is to...?" can be easily solved, and in fact HAS been for several years Wario's Peach is Captain Syrup, aka the best Mario char
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56. Like the Sam Raimi SPIDER-MAN movies, the MOTHER games, despite being formative in if not outright precipitating objectively genius works of art and being produced by people who adored their medium, are goofy overrated/overexposed twee crap and I'd rather not think of them
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57. I am perpetually haunted by the trainers on Nugget Bridge in POKEMON RED/BLUE, who, after you defeat them, remain standing ineptly there for the remainder of the game, saying nothing when prompted other than "I did my best, I've no regrets!" Worst NPC design I've seen yet
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58. Fire/Water/Grass starters in EVERY SINGLE POKEMON GAME is boring, and there's frankly no reason, other than a slavish dedication to maintaining tradition, not to have Ground/Steel/Electric starters or something Also these games should let us be any trainer archetype
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59. It would be really great and neat if Cerebro was real, and the guys who do Penny Arcade were invited to Westchester to see it in action, but then there was a terrible mishap when a centipede crawled into Cerebro and then they had their minds overwritten by a centipede mind
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60. It is silly that Guile is a commissioned officer in the Air Force, and I made this gif several years ago, in which Guile beats the shit out of an airman's car because she reported him to the Inspector General for turning the flightline into a fighting pit It happens I guesspic.twitter.com/Af4eTxx0LY
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60, cont'd: (It was going to be the visual accompaniment to a short story I wrote in which I used games metaphors, Scott Pilgrim-style, to satirize what the Marine Corps did to my now-ex-wife) This probably canonically happened though, I mean, Guile is objectively a shitty CO
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61. Soul Calibur III offers the finest single-player experience of any fighting game in history and it is genuinely preposterous to me that not only has every single fighting game since NOT adapted SCIII's style, but that even *the sequels to that game itself* departed from it
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62. This is a good point—this is the FUCKING CARDINAL SIN of game design and if you put anything like this in a game that otherwise seriously implies the player is directing the protagonist's decisions, you're being a colossal dickhttps://twitter.com/Plutoburns/status/1081422965894455296 …
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63. I accidentally did 52 twicehttps://twitter.com/nymphomachy/status/1081404448419823617 …
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64. Aerith Gainsborogh is CLEARLY a sex worker—given the context she exists in, this is blatantly obvious—and there's not a whole lot of reason to deny it, other than whorephobia
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65. More games need to do clever easter eggs like THE WITCH'S HOUSE, where if you just remain in the very first area and leave the game on for an hour, the witch dies of blood loss and you win the game without actually entering the haunted house in the first place
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66. In THE LEGEND OF ZELDA: OCARINA OF TIME, you can catch Poes (ghosts) in a bottle, and then drink them, for some reason There are only two explanations for this 1) Link is like Raziel from SOUL REAVER and eats souls 2) Link is letting ghosts possess his body because he's done
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67. The GRAND THEFT AUTO series is the FAMILY GUY of video games and, much like Seth McFarlane, it is inexplicable that we allow the creators of these games to continue circulating among respectable company instead of being recognized as loathsome wretches and cast out
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67, cont'd: Like seriously, it is genuinely fucking absurd that we let people make games that glamorizes the murder of sex workers and then these people continue to walk among us and eat from our sandwich platters and shit CAGE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS THEY'RE AWFUL
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68. Every single Mega Man game needs to be consolidated into one game. I mean it. I want to have to go through eighty-something robot masters and traverse through ten different Wily Fortresses equipped with a hundred different master weapons (with maybe only ten set to active)
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69. SILENT HILLS was a truly silly bastardization of the concepts that made SILENT HILL such a compelling series Digitizing Norman Reedus was a fucking stupid idea that would have purged any sense of immersion from the game and honestly the world is well rid of SILENT HILLS
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70. Elza Walker, the character slated to be the heroine of RESIDENT EVIL 2 until getting replaced with Claire Redfield in the final version, was a way more interesting character and honestly the series is poorer for incorporating the changepic.twitter.com/KATMcl4vyZ
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71. I'm not actually going to write an essay but this tweet is truehttps://twitter.com/nymphomachy/status/1074690550182354944 …
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72. None of the discourse surrounding the Phillips CD-i Zelda games is good None of the people making fun of them have actually played them, so they're just defaulting to CUTSCENES in making the point of how bad they are which is top-tier intellectual dishonesty tbh
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72, cont'd: In point of fact there's some very decent art direction in those games and they have really good soundtracks so pretty much everything said about "the Dark Triforce" is groupthink meme bullshit The Russian animation is admittedly unfortunate, though
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73. The CHZO MYTHOS games are a series where a guy sleeping with a girl transforms her into a monster and so tbh it's all the little stuff like that strewn throughout the games that make it totally okay that nobody really remembers or thinks about them anymore
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74. The first FIVE NIGHTS AT FREDDY'S game is the scariest because it's the only one in which the animatronics are actually framed in shadow The later games all have the jumpscares take place in illuminated environments, which just kinda makes them seem less real
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75. NANASHI NO GAME was a real waste of potential because most of the conceit of a glitchy, haunted DRAGON QUEST game gets pushed to the wayside for a pretty bog-standard 3D romp through normal J-horror tropes You shouldn't need to switch to 3D to make a creepypasta game
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76. 1996's RAMA was a freaking amazing adventure game and frankly it's pretty goofy that nobody remembers it anymore, like I don't really get what's wrong with everyone It was literally a game where if you got killed by robots, Arthur C. Clarke would appear to taunt you
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Really DID think people were gonna stop liking the tweet some thirty likes ago 77. The only acceptable way to respond to the transmisogynistic backlash against Mizhena, the transgender priestess of Tempus from SIEGE OF DRAGONSPEAR, would have been to grant her a divine portfolio
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77, cont'd: Also, it's pretty much impossible to complain about a game developer putting a minor trans girl NPC in a video game and NOT also be the kind of person who is woefully unsuited to be anything other than a series of fine vegan leather products
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78. HALF-LIFE is a stupid game because it has a silent protagonist and it would have been SO easy to make that silent protagonist ambiguous enough that a player could picture Gordon Freeman as a female protagonist But the game doesn't do that, it tells you outright you're a dude
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79. The U.S. military explicitly has an unjustly fascist command structure and carries out hegemonic deeds and FRANKLY, as somebody who served, video games shouldn't let you fucking play as the people leaving trangender Americans to die, I just think maybe that goose is cooked
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79, cont'd: (obviously the military does a whole lot of terrible things other than leaving transgender people in a position to die but I mean even outside of the context of the terrible things they're doing, they still do this other thing)
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