Sarah “my fussy wife” BurtonVerified account

@NotRubHarass

Video Producer & Pants Wearer . Writer/Performer . Former Producer/Host . NBC Late Night Writers Workshop Finalist.

Brooklyn, NY
sarahjburton.com
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Joined April 2009
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  1. Pinned Tweet
    14 Sep 2016

    Not to toot my own horn but... that's right, bitch finally got her own horn

    2 replies 372 retweets 1,482 likes
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  2. 5 hours ago

    Did not expect UCB to die before my eggs!!! Proud of my uterus today

    13 likes
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  3. 7 hours ago

    My husband just said “whoever did sound design for animal crossing is genius” because they have rain on tin roof sounds. I don’t think I will ever live up to that, end me now

    1 retweet 3 likes
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  4. 15 hours ago

    Mike’s right! We need a Sheela to take us to our new UCB homeland and build a beautiful community with all of our comedy skills

    Also, (sorry I’m just vibing)...as we have learned from every cult doc on Netflix, cults have the power to change the world. & UCB is & will always be a cult. It’s a cult full of people who didn’t fit in but wanted to make others feel like they did...and that’s fucking beautiful.
    Show this thread
    3 likes
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  5. 15 hours ago

    UCB-NY is permanently shutting down it’s training center and Hells Kitchen theatre. UCB was the reason I moved to NYC and was the center of my world for most of my 20s. I’m thinking of 20 year old me, never getting the chance to learn & grow & perform. I’m sorry, whoever you are.

    46 likes
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  6. 17 hours ago

    You guys... should we do our own hoax book?

    New ep! is our first purposely bad book (it was a hoax to see if they could get smut on the bestseller list)! makes up play “Marry, F, Kill” (her words) with the characters and can’t believe...
    Show this thread
    2 likes
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  7. Apr 20

    Ok this HALLOWEEN I’m dressing up Dr. Birx’s scarf I CALLED it don’t you DARE copy me sharon

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  8. Retweeted
    Apr 20

    A furloughed German worker retains 90-100% of his salary, while his American counterpart is struggling to obtain unemployment benefits. Unacceptable. Congress must cover the paychecks of every U.S. worker.

    386 replies 2,744 retweets 11,799 likes
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  9. Apr 20

    Saw the below first image in an article about the stay-at-home order protestors... where had I seen that before? Oh yeah! On some rich Floridian’s boat! Too cute

    1 reply 3 likes
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  10. Apr 18

    Why did I spend so many hours watching Devs, a pointless show? I guess I just like it when my TV shows soundtrack shriek at me

    1 reply 4 likes
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  11. Retweeted
    Apr 17

    barefoot on the t e r r a z z a sipping c h a r d o n n a y it’s a brisk 70 degree night in f l o r i d a I had s c a l l o p s for dinner I’m d i v o r c e d for the second time No I don’t w o r k

    2 retweets 4 likes
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  12. Apr 14

    Ivanka did a great job copying and pasting 7 Habits and Lean In together to make a new book! Listen to our pod and scream

    New ep! Before Ivanka was appointed to the Council to Reopen America, before she became President Daddy’s favorite, she was selling shoes and writing Women Who Work! With (Irishmin pod, ), we ripped apart this Lean In rip-off.
    Show this thread
    1 like
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  13. Retweeted
    Apr 13

    yes i WILL continue singing in empty public spaces & from balconies. yes i WILL post my quarantine abs pics on ig. yes i WILL continue telling people 'i think i had it in Feb' - yes i absolutely WILL be more viral than COVID-19 by the time this is all over and that's facts

    1 retweet 3 likes
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  14. Apr 12

    Amazing how everyone in just got 23&me!!!

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  15. Apr 12

    My dog is OBSESSED

    1 retweet 9 likes
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  16. Apr 12

    When you can’t ge enough of This Week In Virology

    1 reply 2 retweets 4 likes
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  17. Retweeted
    Apr 11

    Me: “What is that?” Pet store employee: “A dog.” Me: “So cute, what does it do?” Pet store employee: “Rolls around, licks stuff, gets pet, fetches.” Me: “I love it, what does it eat?” Pet store employee: (suddenly very serious) “BONES.”

    1 reply 1 retweet 20 likes
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  18. Apr 11

    Alrigt alrigt alrigt

    1 retweet 8 likes
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  19. Apr 9

    Deborah Birx, scarf mommy, just revealed she got this one from Africa!! This is why you watch the daily briefings my friends!!!

    1 retweet 7 likes
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  20. Retweeted
    Apr 8

    Ways To Make It In America: - Make a video that Ellen sees - Humiliate yourself on a game show - Toil in the muck - Eat the muck you are toiling in on “Ellen’s How Much Can You Muck?” on ABC. - Have rich parents

    2 replies 10 retweets 89 likes
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  21. Apr 9

    Catching up on messages for our podcast and found this from our biggest fan! A true meanie! We stan!

    What can we say?? We love our fans!!!
    4 likes
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