Nom de Benoît

@NomDeBenoit

Former child. Artless dodger. In caseus veritas.

ɐᴉlɐɹʇsn∀
Vrijeme pridruživanja: ožujak 2018.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet

    1st day on Twitter: This is hilarious! 5 days in: This is just the world's suicide note, ghostwritten by an asylum full of drunken perverts

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  2. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 9 minuta

    all you need to know about america is that we took every stereotype of australia, turned it into a themed restaurant...and then opened several of them in australia

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  3. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Me: hey, what have you got in your pocket? Her: oh, it's just a foetus WAIT, I FORGOT TO SAY WE'RE KANGAROOS IN THIS JOKE

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  4. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    God: I need a few more animals for that patch of land close to the bottom there. Angel: All we have left are the ones still in development. God: Perfect. Toss in those venomous ones, too. Angel: Even the one with the duck face? God: Empty the lab!!!!

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  5. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 7 sati

    *Crocodile Dundee walks into a knife store* *takes a deep breath...*

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  6. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 3 sata

    hanson knows when to let the beat mmm bop

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  7. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 1 sat

    get a tattoo. climate change will kill you long before you have a chance to regret it.

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  8. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 2 sata
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  9. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Australians: Aussie Aussie Aussie! Ozzy: Aye Aye Aye

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  10. i hope you enjoyed your superb owl or whatever

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  11. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    Carrying a wallet around: - tedious - people will try to steal it - no room for snacks Getting a kangaroo pouch attached to your belly: - can’t forget it at home - literally no one will want to rob you - keeps your pocket pizza warm - the perfect excuse to adopt a Joey

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  12. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    I am a: ⚪️ Man ⚪️ Woman 🔘 Dingo Looking for a: ⚪️ Man ⚪️ Woman 🔘 Baby

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  13. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    Friend: Do you wanna come with me to Australia? Me: Ah sorry, I cant take off work Friend: I’m just nervous because they say everything there is trying to kill you Me: *suddenly holding a packed suitcase* We should get to the airport early

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  14. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 19 sati

    toddler: [points to litter box] what's that me: that's where the cat hides his poop cat: are u serious u fucken snitch

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  15. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    You should come to Australia, our lives spiral out of control in the opposite direction here

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  16. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 21 sat

    [ playing Scrabble ] HER: Q-U-O-K-K-A... That's 70 points ME: Stop cheating HER: It's a marsupial ME: Those aren't real HER: They live in Australia ME: You can't use stuff from Harry Potter

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  17. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    prije 24 sata

    Netflix be like “damn girl that pussy irreverent”

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  18. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Agreed to go with my girlfriend to a cool improv show on Valentine’s Day but I just saw a preview for the Sonic the Hedgehog movie that comes out the same day and now are we breaking up?

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  19. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    Please buy my new book, “Life With An Elderly Dachshund: Piss-Soaked Flooring And You”

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  20. proslijedio/la je Tweet

    [Meeting a cute guy] Him: Hey, I'm Patrick. Me: And is there a Ma trick?

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  21. proslijedio/la je Tweet
    2. velj

    i am a disaster, therefore i disast.

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