If you still like the Red Hot Chili Peppers than this joke is too late to save you anyways.
Pinned Tweet
Follow
Nigel
@NigelGrinstead
How do I make this account private?
Joined March 2011
Nigel’s Tweets
Slowly filling my pants in the middle seat at Cirque du Soleil so I don't get up and take someone "out of the moment".
4
Favorite online interaction right now is when someone posts AI art and a commenter goes "amazing art!" and they go "thank you."
7
My grandma told me I should "just buy a house" and also that she has "heard of" Toberlones.
1
16
🚨 TONIGHT 🚨
Come see Toronto’s best comics at bring their A game and Get That on Tape! 🎥 🎞️
April 27th • 8pm
🎟️: comedybar.ca/shows/get-that
2
8
This is what stuff should cost:
Can of pop: $1
Coffee (drip): $1.50
Espresso drink: $3.00
Sandwich: $5
Movie ticket: $10
Phone bill: $30
Internet: $30
Rent (with roommates): $400
Rent (alone): $750
House: $150,000
1,058
10.3K
133.9K
Show this thread
Love when youtube videos are "CAT MEOWS UNDERWATER [ORIGINAL VIDEO]" hell ya baby I get my gurgle-purrs from the SOURCE.
3
52
Cable TV is still alive and well if what you want to watch is an entire day of The Big Bang Theory OR the Daytona 500.
3
Happy Valentine's Day! Love is a bug! Kinda like malware, which is why us here at Norton Antivirus
4
Wild that John Tory even had the time to cultivate a relationship with a staffer in between all his festering.
5
Imagine celebrating your return to Toy Story 5 by googling "low res buzz lightyear" and then zooming in on that.
Quote Tweet
See ya soon Woody, you are a sad strange little man and you have my pity. And off we go to a number 5! To infinity and beyond!
14
One time as a kid I saw a wild ferret and it's just occurring to me now that I did not see a wild ferret, I saw someone's missing ferret.
3
3
43
Kim Kardashian has purchased The "Amulet of Petulant Sin" famously held by Yogg Sumaguloth. It reportedly brings only pain.
1
2
29
Closing the dishwasher with my foot to prove that I am still athletic and could potentially make it to nationals.
2
19
Blows girls' minds that dudes are able to tell if a fruit at the store is ripe simply by giving it a lil' toss and a catch.
1
6
Hey I was wearing a lampshade in the corner and couldn't help but notice you were having sex with my wife.
3
28
For years my grandma drove a Pontiac Grand Am and for years I thought it was called a Pontiac Grand Ma.
1
3
40
It is my pleasure to inform everyone that I had more soup since this tweet.
3
17
419
Show this thread
Imagine telling this guy your secrets and he immediately goes to the press ugh
3
4
63
Whoever invented crinkle-cut french fries was like "what's the least fun twist I could put on a bite of potato?"
1
1
18
Love soup. You're telling me you hid a little food in a bunch of water? I'll find it.
55
7,953
35.2K
Show this thread
It's gonna be super awkward when the aliens get here and they find out how many movies we have of us kicking their fucking ass.
2
15
127
KNIVES OUT 3 PLOT: Daniel Craig finds out what is in the tarnation.
SPOILER: It is a seditious web of lies.
1
1
32
I simply want to be a little old man drinking his little old coffees and having tiny artisanal diarrheas.
12
When everyone in AA has a better story than you and it's your turn to go.
Quote Tweet
1:00
2.9M views
7