Responsibility/blame/credit is subadditive: if my share is X and your share is Y, our combined share Z will be such that Z ≤ X + Y. And the only way that Z = X + Y is if we are responsible for disjoint parts of the phenomenon and may never communicate.
That doesn't exonerate you from failures: whichever reason you fail, it's still on you. Did I give you a bad task? Well, did you notice it? No? It's on you. Yes? Then did you tell me? No? it's on you. Yes but I overrode you? OK it's not on you… but only the first time around.
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"Fool you once, shame on me. Fool you twice, shame on you." If I persist being a bad manager despite your due diligence at helping me, and my manager won't take appropriate measures when you escalate, then you should be firing us all and looking for a better job.
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Now as I said before, my blame is even greater than yours, and I am even less exonerated. Any time you fail, I failed even more: I chose you, I set you on the path to failure, and I didn't rescue you from it on time.
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What then is the point of the blame game? Obviously not to deflect responsibility, but quite the opposite: to identify what persons have to change their behavior, what tasks need to be reassigned, redefined or renegotiated, what processes must be improved.
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Can we organize in mutually productive ways? It will take efforts on both our parts. "Communication is a two-way street. Miscommunication is a two-side gap." But if we ultimately fail, better that we part and both find other co-workers we can be productive with.
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Ultimately, as the lead, it's my responsibility more than yours, as far as the job is concerned. But it's your responsibility more than mine as far as your own career is concerned.
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End of conversation
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