This 5-a-side team has a 'Director of Football'. This should have been enough to make me stop reading on Page 1, but I carried on.....pic.twitter.com/4zDOypYXkv
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Thread: I recently enquired to a football team, bit of 5-a-side fun. What I got in response is biblical. A 14 page club guide. One four. For a 5-a-side team. Within it it absolute footballing gold, the highlights of which I am now going to share with you.....
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"punished until they do" Not sure if I'd be joining a football team or ISIS.pic.twitter.com/RbbSpJp3e6
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A 3 week ban because I didn't read the 14 page handbook properly?! Fuck me, Son got less for kicking a man in the chestpic.twitter.com/0aXOSoJgOR
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A 3 week ban is also coming your way if you have the audacity to reply to a text the following day. Racking up those suspensions.pic.twitter.com/RYiPtt68hY
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Haven't read the messages? The Gestapo administrator is going to SPOT CHECK YOU and then.....yep, three week ban my friendpic.twitter.com/aInK4CevbL
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Wife died in a car accident did she and you can't make the game? That's a THIRTY TWO WEEKS BAN!pic.twitter.com/kc4IppvYt5
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Decided to go for a meal because you were only a reserve that week? You can do it for the next three weeks too mate, as that's how long your ban will be!pic.twitter.com/kWCYIAjIu9
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You might be playing at a standard that uses red & blue bibs, but my lord you'd better believe there are the chosen ones who are the "wise footballers among us"pic.twitter.com/jeNgIspZpw
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Seven minutes. Not six, and certainly not eight. Probably get three weeks out for thatpic.twitter.com/TLk5JyOGIe
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Got stuck in traffic? You don't understand the importance of tactics. Three week ban!pic.twitter.com/IpQ3NEE9pL
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However, don't be overly competitive or you can be under competitive for......you guessed it, three weeks!pic.twitter.com/5ie0guz30L
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Despite excessive foul language being actively encouraged, you'll also find yourself sitting out for.....three weekspic.twitter.com/E00WWrSggq
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Think your captain talks shit? That's three weeks for you.pic.twitter.com/FcJsjZAo5g
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Wearing a scarf during a team talk? Understandably punishable by a three week suspensionpic.twitter.com/wJaOMSh2OX
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29 minutes past the hour, 32 minutes past the hour. No earlier, no later.pic.twitter.com/jw9duKgnNG
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You'll be issued with an ID. A simple system, right? Wrong!pic.twitter.com/ts3EeThtdQ
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In a bizarre plot twist, it turns out you can bet on the games you're playing in. Pretty sure that contravenes FA regulations.pic.twitter.com/OYVcrqt6U3
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So, all things considered, I think I might skip over this team. Either that or join them and see if I can achieve the 32 week ban.
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I forgot about the survey to fill in if you want to join! "how many keepy uppies can you do with 3 attempts in the back garden" Ffs, I'm donepic.twitter.com/RDUyMcd4T3
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I don't really have anything to promote here - but in case this gets big, follow
@brad_pauls@UdofiaLinus and@TopBoxerSadiq - three young talented men grafting away for a bigger and better future
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Or check out my man
@AllyMcKenzie91 and his fine documentary work recently published on the BBC website. Thanks!https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p07zr0xt …Show this thread
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