However badly I may treat my body now, as an adult, I would be pissed at a grownup in my past who *forced* his own maladaptive and unhealthy coping mechanisms onto me through some weird projection
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His original thread says that he personally feels like he's failed at "perseverance" in the past, that he's projecting this onto his daughter so she'll succeed where he failed, and she knows this and appreciates it Okay, I'm willing to believe all that It's still fucked up
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Of course I get what he means I'm the stereotypical guy who won't ask for directions either I know what it means to declare some meaningless task a matter of "honor" because you're running through all your life's past failures and you can't bear to fail one more time right now
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The angel on your shoulder is going "Jesus Christ Arthur you don't know what you're doing, you're wasting your time on this, this old laptop is a lost cause, just buy a new one" And the devil is going "Oh you're gonna GIVE UP, like you give up on everything, because you're WEAK"
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"It's not even that much money, you needed a new computer anyway, you can afford it, and most importantly YOU'RE CLEARLY NOT GOING TO FIX IT EITHER WAY" "Just like you couldn't GRADUATE on time, just like you couldn't get a JOB, just like you couldn't fix your RELATIONSHIPS"
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"This has nothing to do with that! If you did miraculously fix it it wouldn't go back and fix any of those things either! Stop connecting things that aren't connected!" "Don't you come at me with therapy talk, that's what they tell LOSERS to make them feel better about LOSING"
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"Well okay, Arthur, if you insist on spending your whole weekend on this stupid project can you at least get some sleep and come back to it fresh? You're clearly not going to fix it in your current state" "NO That would mean I DESERVE to sleep, and losers don't DESERVE comfort"
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It is, I think, not because I don't understand this kind of impulse but because I think I do, that I am so angry about him deliberately choosing to take this baggage he's carrying and dump it on a nine-year-old girl who doesn't have it yet
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Just like I, myself, fully admit I was terrified of having kids because I did not want to take this baggage and dump it on a brand-new human soul, or take the chance of doing it by accident Just like I'm still really fucking pissed that when I was nine I had it dumped on me
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God you know what this reminds me of Amy Chua, author of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, and "Asian-American icon"
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YES, I WAS THINKING ABOUT HER, TOO. Although fwiw when I read her book, it genuinely read to me as a self-deprecating book about how she thought she knew everything and had parenting all figured out but actually she was a monster, not like a manifesto at all.
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Replying to @NaomiKritzer @arthur_affect
Basically everything she's said, done, and written in the years since have made me think I was wrong and you were right, though.
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