President Trump’s head snaps up. He stops speaking mid-sentence. It’s only then that I hear the shots. Before anyone can react, he’s running. Running towards the school—the Secret Service scrambling to follow.
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Trump has no gun, no weapon we can see, and the Secret Service is still far away. But lo!, Donald Trump is never unarmed. He unleashes a devastating burn, an insult so cutting the shooter collapses to the ground, clutching his chest.
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"MAGA!," we cheer, but the president isn't smiling. "That was close," he says. "But I can't always be here. Next time, you better be armed." And before we can thank him, he's gone. Fox & Friends is on, and it's not going to watch itself. (END)
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