His brain—his very good brain—already calculated the most efficient route to the shooter. And he gets there just in time, hurling his body in front of the students.
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Trump rolls to a stop and pops to his feet. The shooter briefly freezes, but then squeezes off three rounds. He dodges the first two like Neo, but—oh no!—the third connects. We gasp as the president briefly falters, but stands tall. “That might bruise,” he smirks.
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Trump has no gun, no weapon we can see, and the Secret Service is still far away. But lo!, Donald Trump is never unarmed. He unleashes a devastating burn, an insult so cutting the shooter collapses to the ground, clutching his chest.
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"MAGA!," we cheer, but the president isn't smiling. "That was close," he says. "But I can't always be here. Next time, you better be armed." And before we can thank him, he's gone. Fox & Friends is on, and it's not going to watch itself. (END)
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Great thread. In my head, I pictured the Trump role being played by Homer Simpson, and it was even more hilarious. What a time to be alive, right?
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Yeah... that's about right. I had the episode where Homer becomes a bodyguard in mind (the one where he dives shouting "nooooooooooo!")
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To strengthen the verisimilitude, suggest: "he's running (after a fashion)..."
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You lost me at "he's running"
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When will the book be released?
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Yea, in Bizarro World. Actually he cowers in fear and hides behind a large SS agent.
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He would have made it too...if it were not for those damned bone spurs.
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You’re describing Jack Reacher not
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@abc Hahahahahahahaha Bad fucking jokeThanks. Twitter will use this to make your timeline better. UndoUndo
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