Chris JonesVerified account

@MySecondEmpire

Writer. Thank God I didn't get that tattoo.

Port Hope
Joined September 2010
462 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. 4 hours ago

    You'll never believe what this celebrity looks like now! [Older.]

    1 retweet 7 likes
  2. 5 hours ago

    The pornbots keep liking old tweets from angry Portuguese football fans, which reminds me, God, I hated that football team.

    13 likes
  3. 14 hours ago

    All joking aside, therapy has been great for me. As a writer, I don't get to spend nearly enough time stuck inside my own head.

    11 likes
  4. 14 hours ago

    Therapist also told me not to make snap, superficial judgments. His name is Gary. What kind of name is Gary?

    2 retweets 17 likes
  5. 14 hours ago

    Therapist told me I have to work on my sense of acceptance. Told him that was stupid and rejected the idea.

    7 retweets 21 likes
  6. 14 hours ago

    Proud to appear in BASW 2016, especially since named same piece to worst of the year list.

    2 retweets 30 likes
  7. Aug 24

    Have I really done that? Jeebers. My total lack of memory for anything but slights is alarming sometimes.

    Dude, we've stuck with you through at least two blood-shitting stories. That knee is nothing.
    9 likes
  8. Aug 24

    I have 21,854 followers right now. Let's see how many unfollow because I posted my super gross knee.

    5 likes
  9. Aug 24

    Pretty sure tonight's footy game has ended my burgeoning career as a knee model.

    10 likes
  10. Aug 24

    Looking forward to seeing the new USWNT keeper, Despair Accompanied.

    8 retweets 17 likes
  11. Aug 24

    Pleased to announce that I've just been named Writer in Residence whenever I'm in my home.

    7 retweets 36 likes
  12. Aug 23

    My fall soccer league starts tomorrow. Sorry to be the bearer of such devastating news.

    6 likes
  13. Aug 22

    The last time I moshed I had no idea it would be the last time I moshed.

    8 retweets 17 likes
  14. Aug 22

    Honestly thought this was a headline from .

    12-year-old running CO Trump campaign office made threatening calls to anti-Trump delegates
    2 retweets 9 likes
  15. Aug 22

    Holy God, , you are a gift to a lot of us out here who need you.

    6 retweets 35 likes
  16. Aug 22

    Do you want to know a really good person? is a really good person.

    1 retweet 7 likes
  17. Aug 22

    I've reached that age when I eat a buttered bagel and catch myself thinking, "Oh yeah, this is really living."

    2 retweets 22 likes
  18. Aug 18

    When someone you really trust turns out to be a pathological liar, boy, that will shake you to your core.

    16 likes
  19. Aug 18

    I've never used my urban planning degree except to remember: time passes, reality changes, be ready for it.

    1 retweet 13 likes
  20. Aug 18

    Working on my screenplay about a bumbling criminal syndicate disguised as Olympians. Just don't know how it ends.

    1 retweet 17 likes

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