Ken Clarke

@MrKennethClarke

Parody. Former MP & Cabinet Minister. Recently retired to spend more time down the pub, listening to jazz, birdwatching and bringing common sense to your TV.

Vrijeme pridruživanja: srpanj 2018.

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  1. Prikvačeni tweet
    28. ruj 2018.

    My better plan for Brexit: Remain

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  2. 31. sij

    Sunlit uplands in the UK on

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  3. 31. sij

    Looking forward to lots of trade deals being announced tomorrow. I’ve been told the rest of the world is desperate, DESPERATE to do deals with us...after they’ve done deals with the US, China, Russia and the EU.

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  4. 30. sij

    One of the more productive days since retiring. Ready for 😥

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  5. 28. sij

    Congratulations to and their workers on gaining entry to the UK with just 5 points and a grade G on Priti Patel’s new Australian points based immigration system. 🇨🇳

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  6. 21. sij

    I'll stick to a booze cruise thanks assuming I can negotiate the queues at Dover and Calais. No, you're not invited. Enjoy your Lambrini.

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  7. 21. sij

    I give up, honestly. People like this is why I'm classed as a heavy drinker. We might as well stick some actual fish in the European Parliament to represent themselves than this lot.

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  8. 21. sij

    Does Canada have good beer? Asking for a friend.

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  9. 14. sij

    DONG! “Poorer”, DONG! “Weaker”, DONG! “Irrelevant”, DONG! “Embarrassing”, DONG! “What”, DONG! “Are”, DONG! “You”, DONG! “Doing”, DONG! “You”, DONG! “Bell”, DONG! “Ends?”

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  10. 14. sij

    Hearing Big Ben is to be renamed Little Len post-Brexit.

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  11. 10. sij

    Dry January hasn’t gone so well after Prince Harry asked if I fancied a few down at the Three Crowns. I’m sloshed, it’s always the way with him. I don’t remember much of the conversation. I think it went something like “f**k em Ken” *shot* “yeah f**k em and f**k Brexit” *shot*.

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  12. 7. sij

    Is it safe to go to Mustique now?

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  13. 3. sij

    Time for a pit stop at KFC. “I’ll have the veeeeeeeeee...big daddy meal please”.

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  14. 2. sij

    Setting an alarm as I have an early start. I’m heading down to Wetherspoons to speak to early morning Newcastle Brown drinkers as part of the new Whitehall recruitment drive. I’ve also been asked to do the same in a store called Warhammer, whatever that is.

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  15. 31. pro 2019.

    Jeremy Corbyn has arrived at my New Years Eve party with a bottle of cherryade and I've immediately regretted inviting him in case he never leaves.

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  16. 27. pro 2019.

    This is my annual reminder that I am a Companion of Honour (CH). For those of you unfamiliar with this honour, its status can be summarised as follows: Me ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ Sir Iain Duncan Smith

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  17. 27. pro 2019.

    I have some sympathy for Jolyon Maugham QC. I once came close to assaulting a fox myself. His name was Liam.

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  18. 25. pro 2019.

    Just another day of drinking too much booze but Merry Christmas folks...no not you Boris.

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  19. 24. pro 2019.

    Best of luck to Boris Johnson tonight. I do hope he has enough time to visit the thousands of houses so none of his children go without presents this Christmas.

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  20. 20. pro 2019.

    Tonight I saw the film ‘Cats’. A bunch of well known, famous, a-list celebrities messing about on set in an attempt to take their mind off the Brexit shitshow and who can blame them? I’m gutted to have failed the audition.

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  21. 19. pro 2019.

    Text from the Queen: I’m off to see the commoners to wipe the self-satisfied, smug look off their faces. At the end of my speech I’ll throw my copy at Mr Johnson and say “now get on with it peasant and try and keep your trousers on”. Hope you’re enjoying your retirement. E x

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