contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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The dames are the saddest cases. They all want to waste away like those elegant TB princesses from back between the wars. You'll find em five to a tent, inhaling each other's phlegm, muttering how much different it would have been if "Bernie would have won," whoever that is.
Now I don't know this Bernie from Adam's rib, but lemme tell ya: we're all a hell of a lot better off since they went and elected the Steak Umm twitter as president for life. They've got those meat strips in every pot, and Bill Nye Jr is the Science Guy in charge of Expetise
It's just a much more reasonable society down in the Lower 48, is what I'm saying. Not some COVID infested hellhole, if you get my drift. We're at least 100 feet apart at all times. Our babies are born in the Steak Umm lab and distanced at birth. We drink sanitizer. It's fine
It's a fine country, the United Steaks of Umm. Hell of a place. People are distant from one another at all times and sleep in sanitizing fluid tanks "Not me, us." That's the national motto. What the hell does it mean? It means we believe women. We do the work. We're here for it
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