contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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in the future, my lack of thirsty DMs, 100% teetotaler lifestyle, and wholesome, family-oriented content will make me suitable for a leadership role in a throwback religious cult
"Daddy's home" when it comes to leading that sort of operation
