contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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Aside from the daycare function it serves, school is the easiest thing to outsource/perform remotely, especially college. We have known the solution for a long time: one video watched by millions, self-grading tests, and a device on the laptop that tracks clicks and engagement.
You can pretend to learn and the school can pretend it's teaching you, and if you're a failing university, you can close even more departments with this logic. The big schools can just let the profs sit at home and work on their citation counts, or, for the tenured, do nothing
We can get our best lecturers and instructors from around the country together to create a master series of lectures on every topic imaginable. Every school has that one guy that everyone recommends, let's put them together.
A dream team, if you will
Add security guards and snack machines and them taxpayers be feeling good 
Yeah, the full college experience
You have to track engagement, because otherwise, it would not be clear people are doing the work.
Even if they hire others to engage for them, what do we care? It is enough that someone is doing something. That's where I draw the line
The great part about something like this is it would save a ton of money. Truly a win-win
when life gives you lemons...
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