contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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Here's a "life hack" for you kids scrapping on Worldstar over the TP. It is very easy to get your hands on TP. You can go on a site like Uline and buy the universal keys to toilet paper dispensers (there just a few brands), then hit a huge school building and raid the stalls
I used to do this in grad school all the time. Depending on the size of your bookbag or bindle stick, you can net about 50-60 of those rolls that are a bit like sandpaper. They're rough on hemorrhoids but so be it. That's 50-60 per building and bag. A campus is a prime target
If you don't want to go through the trouble of getting the keys, just bring a wedge or rip the dispenser lids off with your bare hands (that's my preferred method). The best bathrooms for break ins are always the creepy, nearly vacant ones in moldy lab building basements.
The "nicer" your city (Iowa City is better than NYC), the less you will be scrutinized. Someone hitting the University of Iowa campus can expect to net 500+ rolls of TP in a single day. You can do likewise with paper towels, but these are near entrances, so be careful
This is truly “doing the work,” and I love to see it.
This is the keyring to get you into or out of nearly everything.pic.twitter.com/gn7UmOgxYH
Keys to the kingdom
Why does everyone think that wiping their ass will be top of mind when we're in the peak grip of the wu flu?
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