contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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When I was little, I would ask my dad to drive me somewhere, and he would almost always give the same reply: "the only things that will get you in my car are cash, gash, or grass, and you ain't got any of those." And I remember thinking, jesus, Dad, you're a car dealer
I mean, just drive your 8 year old, 150 pound son to get his Mama's Pizza and 8 sleeves of oreos.
Wow, you’ve always had a remarkable appetite
My campaigns for elementary school president, which I won, were as part of the "meat eaters party"
I used to line mixing bowls with sleeves of oreos and eat them like cereal with a gallon of milk.
That's how they and Teddy Grahams (which I thought for a decade were actual cereal) should be eaten
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