contributing writer @wearemel, @ringer, & @splicetoday. seen in @theatlantic, @parisreview, &c. repped by @inkwellmgmt. co-host of @whatisleftpod 
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Since 2014, I've written over 500 articles and I can assure you kids that I've read nearly a quarter of them. I do the work. I'm here for it.
Here's to a real one, kids. Never been a reader. Never read one word in my entire life, much less a sentence
