It only took twenty years of cultural studies research combined with an absolute commitment to feigning ignorance to appear this uncouth and authentic
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Only by growing the thickest beard imaginable could I truly understand beardlessness
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I, who can grow a thick beard within mere days, understand beardlessness more than any clean shaven person in the world
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Only by keeping all of my hair could I know what it's like to be bald on the inside
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I, who cannot grow a beard, am thankful for that.
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